


Family Matters

by severaance



Series: Transgender Reid Verse [2]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Other, Transgender Reid, heavy references to canon child sexual abuse, transgender character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-18
Updated: 2016-03-27
Packaged: 2018-05-27 13:33:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6286666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/severaance/pseuds/severaance
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer meets the Morgans, but some surprises arise.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Momma Bear

**Author's Note:**

> your fave power couple is back! i'm excited to start this story. it'll be a few chapters, similar to the curious case. i recommend reading that before this for some background. enjoy!

Fran Morgan was a force to be reckoned with, and Spencer was soon going to realize that. Her boyfriend's (or technically fiancé, though her proposal nor plans for 'marriage' were anything but traditional) mother had called their house phone six times in the past three days. It was only until Spencer caught her ranting on the answering machine when she realized why.

Spencer walked into the house upon returning from work, throwing her keys down on the table by the door. She stripped herself of her coat and exited the foyer, making her way to the living room to peek around.

"Derek?" She called out, confused as to why the house seemed unreasonably still -his car was in the garage when she pulled in after all. She traveled up the stairs to the bedroom, taking a look into the ensuite bathroom only to find it empty as well. She frowned and made her way downstairs when it hit her. Clooney. The dog usually bombarded her the moment she walked through the door. She realized his leash was missing, as well as Derek's running shoes.

"Some genius you are." Spencer scolded herself jokingly with a shake of the head. She went to walk up the stairs to her study to read when she heard the phone begin to ring. She trekked to the dining room, but the answering machine had picked up before she could answer.

"Derek Franklin Morgan, I swear to all that is holy if you do not pick up this phone, I will unleash hell on you." A fierce feminine voice came through. Spencer gulped. Ouch. Middle names - never a good sign.

"I can't believe you've been seeing this Spencer girl for a year and haven't let me meet her! Have you lost your mind? I'm your mother, for Christ's sake!"

Oh, fuck. Spencer chewed her bottom lip. Derek had mentioned taking a trip to Chicago but things came up, as always, and it just wasn't plausible. She debated if she should answer the phone. No, that'd be a bad idea. Fran wouldn't want to meet her over the phone. Spencer decided to just let the woman rant.

"I know you're not busy with work this weekend, you told me yourself! You better come see me. Your sisters will be here as well. Call me back or I'm flying down to Washington with a wooden spoon." A beep. Spencer had to stifle a laugh at that when she heard the front door open and the sound of Clooney's nails on the hardwood becoming closer and closer until the Doberman was inches from her, panting heavily with his goofy doggy grin on his face.

"Aw, there's my favorite canis lupis familiaris." She said fondly, reaching down to scratch his ears.

"And here's your favorite homosapien." Derek called from the foyer as he toed off his shoes and headed towards the dining room. He grabbed Spencer's waist and pulled her close.

"Ew, no, you're sweaty." She replied to his actions by attempting to break free of his hold.

"You love it. Pheromones and all that." Derek laughed as Spencer scrunched up her nose and slipped out of his grip.

"By the way," she began, "...you're in trouble." She told Derek in a sing song voice before she pressed a button on the answering machine.

When the message ended, Derek groaned helplessly.

"Why didn't you tell me she wanted to meet me?" Spencer questioned gently, putting her arms around his neck. She was slightly nervous that Derek felt the need to hide her from his mother. A voice in her head said it was because he was ashamed of her, but she quickly shook that thought away.

"I don't know, doll face, I just thought-" Derek started. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before continuing. "My momma's protective of me. I'm her only boy and she worries her pretty little head off about me day and night. I was afraid she'd bombard you with questions and you'd feel, I don't know, unwelcome."

Spencer conveyed a sad expression and gave a gentle squeeze to Derek's shoulders. "You think she'll scare me off." Derek nodded.

"You're not going to get rid of me that easy, Derek. I love you. I'll answer whatever questions she may have because I know you'd do the same if my mom.." Spencer looked down sadly and swallowed. Derek knew about her mom's condition, but it wasn't something they ever discussed. It was one of those things that was just too difficult to talk about. Spencer barely got the chance to see her and when she did, Diana was convinced, on her good days, that Spencer was one of her students from when she taught nearly twenty years ago. She had no idea Spencer was her child.

"Hey." Derek said softly, lifting her head up to give her a peck on the lips. "Thank you."

Spencer nodded and gave him a small, genuine smile. "Thank _you_. So, we're going. I'll book a flight. We'll leave Friday when you get home at six, stay at a hotel for the night, and head to your mother's in the morning. Okay?"

Derek laughed softly and shook his head. "I've got a feeling you wanna do this more than my momma."

Spencer's smile widened. "I may be a little excited." The two shared a laugh as Derek leaned down and gave Spencer a brief kiss.

"Me too, baby. Me too."


	2. The Night Before

The next few days had passed by without incident, and soon enough it was late Friday evening. Spencer and Derek had just boarded the plane - after a phone call to a very delighted Fran - and to say Spencer was nervous was the understatement of the century. Her mind was racing a mile a minute, hitting her left and right with less than pleasant thoughts. She feared Fran would disapprove of her son's relationship, making Derek realize how out of Spencer's league he was. Spencer knew Derek loved her, but everyday she looked at him and couldn't help but feel inadequate. She never believed in luck, but that was the only plausible explanation for how she got Derek. What she also knew, though, was that Derek valued his mother's opinion and would do anything to appease her. If Fran simply stated she didn't like Spencer, the latter was sure it would influence Derek's view of her. 

The whole plane ride Spencer fidgeted, her heart beating faster and faster as each minute passed. Derek had been encouraging, as per usual, attempting to soothe her nerves but to little avail. By the time they landed, Spencer was afraid her leg was going to detach from her body and fly away because of how much she was bouncing it restlessly. She chocked some of her nerves up to the plane ride itself, seeing as though she was never a fan of flying. Planes were much better in theory. Getting up and being able to stretch her long legs was cathartic but didn't quell all of her anxiety. Her hands were still shaking by the time her and Derek had gathered their luggage and made their way to the car waiting for them. 

"Baby, you need to relax. You're shaking so hard you're vibrating." Derek clapped Spencer on the shoulder, pulling her close to his side as she let out a shaky sigh. 

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm really nervous." She admitted. 

Derek just laughed at her and replied, "I had no idea." Spencer shot him the infamous Dr. Reid death glare and he backed down timidly. 

They made their way to the car, where they rode in a silence Spencer abhorred but was also grateful for at the same time. She was able to calm down by doing the "White Vegan Soccer Mom" deep breathing technique. She had her head pressed against the cold window while she watched the lights of the city illuminate the darkness the night had cast. The driver soon pulled up to a reasonably sized hotel before Derek promptly paid the man and began to retrieve his and Spencer's luggage. Spencer blushed once she realized just how much she had packed. She had no idea what kind of attire was necessary for meeting your partner's mother. She had half a dozen outfits for their two day stay, as well as a bag filled with nearly every bit of makeup she had (which was an embarrassingly high amount, as Derek had pointed out). 

Once they had gotten themselves checked in and all settled, Spencer was left alone with her thoughts once again when Derek opted to take a shower. Her breathing quickly sped up to the same rate it was on the plane and she groaned, placing her head between her knees. On one hand, she was incredibly excited. Being able to meet the woman who gave birth to and raised her love fascinated Spencer. She was eager to learn the more happy details of Derek's childhood (Lord knows there were enough sad ones). She was also curious to see how his family dynamic differed greatly from her's. That thought made her a bit sad, but also intrigued. Most of her life she thought her broken family was an average occurrence. She knew many kids grew up in single parent households like herself. What she didn't know was that many kids did not have a mother like hers. She knew her mom was schizophrenic, a word she learned at age seven, but she didn't truly realize how different it really made Diana. Nevertheless, Spencer would always say she was a wonderful mother despite her quirks, and everyday Spencer was proud to be her daughter - even if Diana didn't know she was. 

On the other hand, of course, Spencer felt her stomach drop every time she thought of Fran's eyes scrutinizing her, her arms folded across her chest while she stuck her nose up at her. Spencer didn't think lowly of the woman - just the opposite, in fact. She was simply letting her nerves get the best of her. It all boiled down to deep seated insecurities she still needed to overcome. Derek had helped her realize her own worth and that she didn't need to rely on him for confidence. He made her feel beautiful, but only because she let herself realize she was beautiful. She still had issues with herself, though. She could never shake the feeling that Derek was too good for her, no matter how often he insisted it was the opposite. 

When Derek exited the bathroom in a cloud of steam like he was fucking Oz, Spencer felt partially relieved and partially increasingly anxious. She knew his presence would be comforting, but she also knew he'd want to talk. 'Fuck feelings' was all she could think. 

"I'm going to bed, goodnight." Spencer said quickly, rushing to undress and climb under the covers before Derek stopped her. 

"Uh uh, pump them brakes." He scolded, earning a resigned sigh from Spencer who turned to face him reluctantly. 

"Talk." Derek patted the side of the bed opposite to where he was seated. Spencer inched forward before she finally made her way to the bed and plopped down next to him. 

"You're going to get the sheets all wet if you sit on them in a towel like that." She mumbled, picking at the fabric of her shorts. 

"Well, I'd take it off but I wouldn't want to distract you." Derek teased in response, which only resulted in another death glare. 

"What's got you so worked up?" He asked seriously, reaching out to touch Spencer's face, who just shook her head softly in response. 

"I'm.. Look, I'm petrified, okay?" She admitted, embarrassed by her confession. "I'm afraid your mother is going to take one look at me and see, like everybody else, how below your standards I am. Not only that, but I'm afraid she'll make you realize that, too." Her voice dwindled to a whisper as she finished, chewing on her bottom lip. 

"Spencer, listen to me." Derek said firmly, "She will love you. Sarah will love you. Desiree will definitely love you. It doesn't matter to them what you look like, what your interests are, who your friends are, your status, where you're from, all of that. What they'll care about is if you make me happy, if you're good to me, for me." He said sincerely, leaning in to kiss Spencer's forehead. "And, shit, they'll probably realize you're too good for me, if anything." He added jokingly. Spencer huffed out a laugh at that. 

"Well, I certainly have better tits than you." She said coyly, earning a loud laugh from Derek. 

"Now there's my girl." He said fondly. Spencer smiled warmly, leaning in and pressing her head against Derek's. 

"Thank you." She murmured, giving him a chaste, lingering kiss. He nodded simply and grinned. 

"So, you're kinda naked right now." Spencer observed, to which Derek responded with a widening grin.

"This is true." He replied.

"I think I'll join you." She said formally. Derek barked out a laugh, wrapping his arms around Spencer and falling back on the bed, both of them giggling and smiling contently. Well, that would certainly be a good way to calm down.


	3. The Morning After

When Spencer awoke the next morning, she was sated and content, smiling happily as she snuggled into Derek. The feeling of euphoria soon faded once she realized what the day held. Anxiety erupted violently inside of her and she jolted up, suddenly not so sleepy. She rubbed her hand over her face, whimpering softly. Why couldn't she just stay asleep, goddamn it? More importantly, why couldn't Derek stay asleep? The man had shot up as soon as he felt Spencer stirring. He put a comforting hand on her shoulder, yawning loudly in her ear. 

"They're gonna love you." He affirmed, rubbing her lower back before standing up and stretching. Spencer cringed when she heard his back crack. Damn, were they getting old. 

"What time do we have to be there?" Spencer asked reluctantly. Derek looked over to the analog clock on the bedside table and cursed. 

"Five minutes ago." He rushed to his suitcase to grab a pair of clothes and couldn't help but laugh when Spencer practically screamed and jumped up. 

"I'm glad you think this is funny, asshole!" She called as she rushed to the bathroom with her makeup and toiletries. She took a peek at herself in the mirror and groaned - her dark circles would be the death of her. She took the quickest shower of her life, hopping out and drying her hair with the complementary blowdryer at light speed. Her usually messy curls were wilder than ever, even after she slapped on some frizz control. Can't Be Tamed by Miley Cyrus was without a doubt written about Spencer's hair. 

She didn't have enough time to go all out on her makeup like she planned, but she at least got to cover her dark circles and some of the blotchiness on her skin. Her eyeliner and mascara were half-assed but still sharp and pristine. Now all she had to do was decide on an outfit. Easier said than done. She rifled through her bags, laying out all the possible outfits she had in mind on the floor while Derek just stared at her. Damn him and his T shirt and jeans. 

"White crochet romper? Or this floral babydoll?" Spencer asked him, holding up both items of clothing. 

He blinked at her. "I'm going to pretend I know what those are." Spencer groaned and buried her face in her hands in response. 

"This is a nightmare." She admitted pitifully. Derek walked over to her, taking the pieces of clothing from her hands and setting them gingerly down on the bed before he took her face in his hands. 

"Hey, relax. It doesn't matter what you wear, okay? We talked about this. They don't care what you look like. I promise." He reassured, giving Spencer a quick affirming kiss. 

"How about you wear that orange dress I like? The sleeveless one with the lace on the collar?" He suggested, pointing at the item on the floor. It was orange with white polka dots, with a Peter Pan collar that accentuated Spencer's long neck while also helping to slightly conceal her Adam's apple. She was afraid of Derek's family noticing it and looking at her differently, like strangers did, although seldom. She nodded in agreement of Derek's pick, mumbling "good choice" before she slipped out of her robe and stepped into the dress. She slipped on a pair of stockings before she looked helplessly at Derek. 

"Which shoes?" She asked, worrying her bottom lip. Derek just grinned and pointed towards her array of shoes. 

"The red-bottoms I got you for your birthday." Spencer looked over at the sleek nude toned shoes. She gingerly slid her feet into the pair, treating them like a delicate piece of art. They fucking were, by her standards - they cost Derek $800. She looked down and admired the little bows at the tips of the shoes and grinned. She exhaled sharply and gave Derek a small smile. 

"Okay." Spencer said with a nod. Derek mirrored her expression and grabbed her coat, helping her slide into it. 

"Wear gloves. We're in the Windy City, baby, and I'll be damned if you lose one of those little fingers." He said, bringing her hand to his lips and giving her knuckles a kiss. She laughed and grabbed a pair of white gloves from her bag before she froze. 

"Should I wear the bracelet JJ gave me?" She asked hesitantly. The bracelet had belonged to Rosaline and meant more than anything to Spencer. She rarely wore it, though, in fear of losing it or damaging it. She only ever wore it when she needed some extra strength to get through the day. JJ had told her it was what Rosaline wore on the days where she felt depressed and dysphoric. It always made her feel a little bit better about everything. 

Derek gave a nod and reached into his pocket. His fingers brushed along Spencer's sobriety coin before he withdrew it. "I got my token of strength, you got yours." He told her. He chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment, looking down at the coin. Spencer didn't need to know, but it was hard being in Chicago again. His mother never moved, so their home was still right by the center, which they'd have to pass in order to make their way to his mother's. 

But Spencer, being as caring and intuitive as always, noticed his hesitation and nodded, grabbing his hand and holding it in her's. "I understand." She said simply, smiling warmly at Derek. He nodded, returning the smile. 

They packed up their things and quickly made it down to the lobby where they barely made checkout time. Derek got them a cab and off they went. He couldn't let go of Spencer's hand the whole time, his own sweating profusely, beginning to shake when they stopped at a light right next to the center. He squeezed her hand hard enough to break bones, but she didn't even flinch, let alone even think about complaining. Derek stared at the football field and felt tears well up in his eyes. It was easier before when he was living in denial of what happened, before he spoke up about it. Now it all seemed too real, the weight of it all tangible in the air. He let out the biggest sigh of relief when the light finally turned green. Spencer didn't say a word, just let him hold onto her like an anchor. 

When they neared Fran's apartment, Derek thanked the driver and headed towards the complex, toting along his luggage. 

"I still can't believe you have this much makeup." He complained as he slung the bag over his shoulder. "But, whatever makes you happy." He reassured, grinning at Spencer who blushed and kissed his cheek in thanks. 

They trudged up the stairs, Derek grabbing Spencer's hand as he balanced one bag on his wrist. Spencer took a deep breath, looking over at Derek who nodded. He reached out and knocked on the door, which was immediately opened. The pair was faced with a fuming young woman, eyes fixed on Derek.

"Momma's having an aneurism, get your ass inside. Oh, Spencer!" Derek's sister exclaimed in surprise. Her eyes roamed over Spencer, half surprised and half confused. Spencer shifted uncomfortably and gave a small, nervous smile. The look on the woman's face faded quickly and she smiled wide at Spencer. 

"You're so cute!" She squealed. "Now, come, come, before Sarah snaps momma's neck from all her complaining." Spencer came to the conclusion that the girl was Desiree right before her's and Derek's hands were grabbed and they were being dragged inside. She tripped, grabbing Derek's shoulder as to not fall over. Desiree giggled at her and Spencer looked down, blushing deeply. Nice first impression. 

"Momma, you can stop yelling. Look who's here." She said the last bit in a singsong voice, grinning widely. The trio made their way to the living room, where a petite, red headed woman laid her eyes on Spencer and smiled fondly. 

"Hello, Spencer! Oh, it's so nice to meet you, sweetie." She said warmly, rushing over to Spencer and pulling her into a hug. Spencer let out a soft "oh" in surprise, awkwardly patting Fran's back, who pulled away promptly, seemingly unfazed by Spencer's dislike for hugs. Spencer gave a genuine smile, grateful for that. She loved the woman already. 

"You as well, Mrs. Morgan." Spencer replied formally, earning a laugh from everyone in the room. 

"Honey, you can call me Fran." She insisted. Spencer blushed and looked down, nodding in understanding. 

Suddenly, Fran leaned forward and clipped Derek on the ear, causing him to squeak out, "Ow, momma!" 

"And you," Fran started, "why were you keeping this lovely woman from me?" She smiled at Spencer briefly before giving Derek the Mom Look. 

"Things were busy. The last time I visited, she had to give a lecture at a seminar for the FBI's Behavioral Analysis Unit." Derek looked at Spencer proudly. "I'm sorry, ma." Derek apologized sincerely. Fran huffed and gave a curt nod. 

"Well, come sit down! I want to get acquainted with this sweet girl." Fran gingerly took Spencer's hand, not holding onto it longer than necessary, which Spencer was grateful for. 

"Sarah, will you check on the food, please?" Fran requested of her eldest. She hadn't said a word to Spencer or acknowledged she was there thus far, causing the latter to squirm uncomfortably. Sarah, with a silent nod, walked the short distance to the kitchen. Derek and Desiree each took a seat around the couch where Spencer and Fran rested comfortably. 

"So, where did you go to school? Derek tells me you have three doctorates." Fran said as though she was proud of Spencer, which made her feel all giddy inside. 

"Yeah -yes, um- I went to Caltech, MIT, and Georgetown. I've taken some online classes at other universities as well." Spencer said, voice thick with humility. Fran simply stared at her for a moment before breaking out in a grin. 

"Oh, how impressive! You certainly have the genius gene." She said, grinning quite mischievously. "Do you plan on passing that on to my grandbabies?" She requested bluntly. Derek's eyes widened at that, while Spencer blushed deeply. 

"Momma." Derek warned, an edge to his voice. Spencer looked helplessly at him before swallowing thickly. 

"I, um, I can't have children." She admitted ashamedly. She couldn't help but feel guilty, and dysphoric, for that. She wished she could carry a fetus -no, a child, Derek's child- and grant the woman with a baby she could dote over. She knew logically the pair could adopt, but it wouldn't be the same for Fran. 

Fran frowned deeply, eyes filling up with sadness. "Oh, dear." She reached out and gently touched Spencer's knee. "I'm so sorry to hear that. Is it due to a medical condition?" She questioned. Spencer took a shaky breath. Of course the woman would want to know why. 

"Not exactly. I- I don't have a uterus." Spencer said simply, hoping Fran would leave it at that - but alas, the line of questioning continued. 

"Did you have an emergency hysterectomy? You seem so young for that, though." The confusion in Fran's voice was tangible, and Spencer sighed, opting to give her the truth. 

"No, I just.. I wasn't born with one, you see." Fran titled her head to the side at that, furrowing her eyebrows. Spencer took a shaky breath and continued. 

"I have sex organs you would typically associate with male anatomy. I'm transgender. I take estrogen pills in order to feminize my form as well as my voice." Spencer explained, avoiding eye contact with Fran who seemed to grow more confused. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. The silence that followed was soon interrupted by the sound of Sarah dropping a pan. She whispered an apology before she went back to tending to their dinner. 

"So.. You're like that woman, the one on the prison show? Desi, what's that called?" Fran turned to look at her youngest, who's eyes were comically wide at Spencer's confession. 

"Um. Uh- Orange is the New Black. Sophia Bursett, the girl who plays her is Laverne Cox, I think." Desiree explained, eyes fixed on Spencer who was squirming in her seat. 

"So, wait, you were born a boy?" Desiree asked incredulously, and although Spencer knew she didn't mean to be rude, Spencer couldn't help but grow more dysphoric at her comment. 

Finally, it was Derek's turn to speak up. "Desi, she wasn't born a boy. She was always a girl. Her body just.. Didn't get the memo." He tried to say it lightheartedly, which Spencer was quite grateful for. 

"Alright. Okay. So you have..?" Desiree said ambiguously, though the group seemed to understand- did Spencer have a penis?

"That's enough!" A voice snapped from far away. Everyone whipped around to see a very pissed Sarah. The group was bewildered, wondering what could've set her off. 

"Stop putting the heat on Spencer just because you don't understand. Look at her, she's mortified." Sarah said sympathetically, shooting a glance at the aforementioned girl. "It's her business, not ours." She concluded concisely. 

"Sarah, don't raise your voice. Spencer, I'm deeply sorry. I didn't mean to ask such personal things." Fran said, sounding distraught. Desiree added, "Me too." and the mother and daughter looked at Spencer apologetically. 

"It's fine, really." Spencer reassured. "I'm quite used to questions. Humans have an innate curiosity when it comes to things that contradict what they're told. Transgender representation is rare, as only 0.3% of the American population is transgender. I'm actually quite surprised you mentioned Laverne Cox. Orange is the New Black is popular, but she's not a main character and her gender isn't discussed as often as it should be given her circumstances. I'm glad they address transphobic violence in the third season. The U.S has seen a significant uprise in hate crimes against transgender people." Spencer spouted, voice breaking towards the end. Everyone in the group seemed horrified, save for Derek who was smiling sadly at Spencer. He knew all too well what transgender people faced thanks to Spencer. Too many times had he had to hold her while she cried over girls like Yazmin Schancez, or Islan Nettles, whose lives were taken all too soon. 

Fran leaned in and pulled Spencer into a hug. "Oh, sweetie." She whispered, rubbing circles on Spencer's back. Spencer returned the gesture, pulling back and smiling at Fran. She was learning to enjoy the kind woman's affectionate nature. 

"I think it's about time we sit down and eat, yes?" Fran requested of the group. They all nodded and headed to the small dining area. Sarah and Fran bustled around for a bit, leaving Desiree, Spencer, and Derek to their own devices. 

"Spencer, your dress is adorable. And your shoes!" Desiree told Spencer, smiling kindly at her. Spencer blushed slightly at the compliment, returning the smile sheepishly. 

"Thanks- Thank you. Derek got me the shoes." She replied, looking over at Derek and smiling. He grinned back at her and said, "Anything for my girl." They intertwined their fingers and Desiree exclaimed, "Awww! Who knew my big brother could be so sweet?"

Derek glared at her. "Like I was never nice to you?" 

Desiree fired back, "Um, no, especially not the time you scared away my first boyfriend by staring at him and flexing your biceps like an ape!" 

"Yeah, and I was the one who comforted you and told you guys were pigs when said boyfriend cheated on you with Stacey Hendricks." Derek said pointedly. Desiree glowered at him. 

"I hate you." She said bitterly. 

"Desiree Nicole Morgan, apologize to your brother right now." Fran demanded from the kitchen. 

"Ha!" Derek said. His victorious cry was cut short when Fran told him, "You apologize, too, Derek. And don't back talk me when I've got this spoon handy." She pointed the wooden spoon she was using to stir the sauce at Derek, who gulped. 

"Sorry, Desi." He said reluctantly. Desiree murmured her apology and Spencer couldn't help but giggle as the scene played out. 

"Aren't you going to hug and say 'I love you'?" She teased. Sarah and Fran laughed at that, while Derek and Desiree glared. 

Soon enough, Fran and Sarah had dinner ready for everyone. They ate mostly in silence, save for the bickering between the siblings and some mundane questions from Fran that Spencer answered happily. When they finally finished, leaving a surprisingly large amount of leftovers that Derek was ecstatic to take home, Sarah offered to help Spencer unpack, and Fran did the dishes while Desiree and Derek sat down on the couch to talk. 

"You love her." Desiree sing-songed. Derek would never admit he blushed. 

"It's sweet. Really. I like her, too. She's a lot different than the other one." Desiree said honestly.

"Spencer's different in every way a person can be." Derek explained proudly. "I wouldn't have her any other way." He grinned at Desiree, who was giving him her signature toothy smile. 

Down the hall and in Derek's old bedroom, Sarah and Spencer were putting away some of Spencer's clothes and other items. Sarah laughed at the seven books Spencer had packed. 

"You're only here for two days." Sarah told her. Spencer, as always, blushed. 

"I can read 21,000 words per minute. The average book is about 90,000 to 100,000 words, which means I could read one book in about five minutes." Sarah continued to laugh and shook her head. 

"You're something else." She said, noticing how Spencer's smile dropped. "That's a good thing." Sarah added quickly. The pair continued to unpack until Sarah spoke again. 

"Hey, about earlier. I'm sorry for yelling. It's a sensitive topic for me, since I'm.. I identify as a lesbian, so.." She explained, busying her hands with folding Spencer's clothes. The latter nodded and smiled. 

"It's okay. You don't have to explain." She said. Sarah looked over at Spencer and gave her a wide, genuine smile. 

"Thank you, Spencer." They comfortably finished their task in silence until Derek and Desiree walked in. 

"I'm heading to bed, guys. Goodnight." Desiree said with a wave before she exited the room, Sarah close behind her.

Derek shut the door and sighed, moving over to Spencer and wrapping her up in his arms. "So?" He asked arcanely. 

"It went great. I mean, there was that one speed bump, but.. I really like them. I feel welcome." Spencer said, smiling contently, leaning in and putting her chin on Derek's shoulder. 

"I'm glad. You're always welcome here. I think my sisters like you more than me, anyways." Derek joked, to which Spencer responded with a laugh. 

"'M tired." Spencer mumbled. Derek nodded in agreement and the pair separated to get undressed. Derek watched as Spencer slid out of her dress, eyes roaming up and down her body. Once she was in her pajamas, Derek came up behind her and kissed the back of her neck. His lips trailed down to the side of her throat, then to her shoulders. He pulled her sleeve to the side to press his lips against her bare skin. 

"You looked beautiful today." Derek mumbled. He placed his hands on Spencer's hips, thumbs touching the strip of flesh her shirt didn't cover. "Got me thinkin' 'bout all the things I could do to you in here." He began to slide his hand up Spencer's stomach, seeking out her breast before he heard Spencer squeak. 

"Derek! I'm not having sex with you in your childhood bedroom!" She hissed, spinning around to get out of his grip. Derek laughed, shaking his head and putting his hands on the small of her back. 

"C'mon, it'll be the most action this room's ever seen." He teased. Had Spencer tensed or insisted on not wanting what Derek was seeking, he would've immediately pulled his hands away, but she sighed softly and inched closer to him. 

"We have to be quiet." She said, admitting defeat and leaning in to kiss Derek, who grinned triumphantly. They tumbled back onto Derek's bed, which squeaked under their weight. Spencer winced at the sound, but her worry faded when Derek started kissing and nipping her neck while simultaneously palming her through her shorts. She was emitting soft, punched out moans, rolling her hips into the touch. Derek soon had her out of her shorts, running his hand along her length before he pulled off her panties. He rid himself of his boxers shortly after and laid down on his side next to Spencer. They both reached out to stroke the other, moaning and groaning at the contact, when Derek took them both in his hand and started moving. Spencer let out a loud "oh" before Derek leaned in to seize her mouth and silence her sounds. She was bucking up into his touch, moans and whimpers growing louder and louder as she slowly reached climax along with Derek. But when she was teetering on the edge, so close to spilling over, the shrill sound of Derek's cell phone ringing filled the room. They both groaned, Spencer laying back and panting while Derek answered the phone. 

"He-" Derek didn't get the chance to finish the greeting before the voice on the other end came through. 

"Please stop having sex, I'm traumatized and forever haunted by the sounds you're making." Desiree pleaded. Derek promptly blushed and cursed, hanging up the phone quickly. Spencer looked up at him, realization dawning on her. 

"Oh, my God." She said, voice muffled as she buried her face in the pillow, absolutely mortified. "I hate you!" She groaned at Derek, who awkwardly crawled back into bed. He mumbled his apologies, spooning against her backside. Here's to hoping Derek will make enough money to pay for his sister's therapy sessions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> links to what i based spencer's outfit off of:   
> https://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=131012178 http://us.christianlouboutin.com/us_en/shop/women/baronessa-3.html


	4. Mr. Morgan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all. today's chapter is heavy on the honey nut feelios. there's some ~sexy talk~ but it's just talk, not actual smut. there's a lot of angst. like, a lot. it hurt my heart. but it's very hopeful and sweet, i promise. just hang in there!   
> also: the quote spencer says to derek is from the one and only fyodor dostoyevsky. i'm finding myself incorporating him a lot into this verse, but i can't help it. his works just seem to apply to the verse so well. i also used all three of my fave authors (him, margaret atwood, and chuck palahniuk, invisible monsters being my all time fave book) in this chapter just because. i hope it's not too boring or confusing lol. enjoy!

Derek woke Spencer up at the ungodly hour of 9:00 AM. He quickly realized his mistake when he attempted to pull her out of bed and received a swift kick that narrowly missed his crotch. She didn't speak until she had three cups of coffee in her, not even when Fran came in, being her usual bubbly self. 

"Good morning, baby." Fran said, kissing her son on his cheek. "And good morning, Spencer." Spencer gave a weak smile in response, taking another large swig of her coffee. 

"Someone's not a morning person, huh?" Fran observed, laughing softly while Sarah and Desiree shuffled in in their pajamas. Both girls grumbled "morning" as they prepared themselves coffee and joined Spencer at the breakfast table. 

"Don't worry, neither are my girls." Fran reassured Spencer, affectionately rubbing her daughters' hair. 

"I figured I'd take Spencer out today. Give her a little tour of where I grew up and all that." Derek said, smiling fondly at Spencer who nodded her approval. 

"Oh, how wonderful." Fran commented. "You should stop by the center and say hi to Carl, I heard he's been asking about how you're doing. He'll be so happy to see you with Spencer." She continued innocently, busying herself with making breakfast. Derek dug his nails into his palms and resisted the urge to scream. His mother didn't mean it, she didn't know, couldn't possibly know. He had gotten so well at pretending, teaching himself how to not flinch at the mention of that name. He did it all just to protect her and he wasn't going to let himself ruin that for her. 

"Yeah." Derek said feebly, clearing his throat before continuing. "Yeah, maybe, if we have time. We should get ready." He patted Spencer on the shoulder, who nodded in understanding and followed suit, giving Fran and the girls a small smile. When they reached Derek's bedroom, Spencer shut the door behind her and watched as Derek sat on the bed and put his face in his hands. She sat down next to him, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. They stayed like that in silence until Derek sniffled and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. 

"You okay?" Spencer questioned. Derek gave a curt nod, standing up and lifting Spencer with him. He pulled her into his arms and into a long, searing kiss, pulling away after some time and resting his forehead against hers. 

"I am now." He murmured, pecking Spencer's lips once again. Derek sighed before pulling away and taking her hand in his. 

"Let's take a shower." He requested, moving to go to the bathroom when Spencer stopped him. 

"I don't want-" She said, trailing off and hoping Derek heard what was implied. When his eyes widened, it was confirmed. 

"No, no. Not that kinda shower." He laughed softly. "Hands to myself. Promise." He said, crossing his fingers and holding them up. Spencer laughed and shoved his shoulder. They headed to the bathroom together and after the most G rated shower of their lives, Derek left Spencer to do her makeup. He collapsed back onto his bed and sighed, staring up at the ceiling. Being home, although he loved his family, was emotionally taxing. Every time he entered his old room his mind was flooded with memories of his young self, lying in bed and praying to God to make his hurt stop. He thought of all the times he cried himself to sleep, and all the times he seriously considered taking his life, overcome by shame and anger. 

But he had Spencer now. Sweet, understanding, beautiful Spencer who knew exactly what to do when those feelings crept back up on him. So why did he still feel angry and hurt? Why couldn't he get over it? He faced his demons, so why wasn't he healing? He almost felt broken, like Carl took a piece of him he would never get back. Like he damaged Derek beyond repair. Derek knew in the back of his mind he had a long way to go in terms of talking about his trauma, and that that was how he'd overcome it, but he was petrified of doing so. He wanted to tell his mother, his sisters. He wanted them to know why he tensed when a man touched him, how he couldn't eat, couldn't sleep whenever he came back home from that cabin. He wanted them to understand so badly, but he was too afraid and he felt like such a coward. He didn't want them to look at him with pity, or tiptoe around the subject. But most of all, he couldn't face the idea of them being ashamed of him. How they would look at him in disgust knowing he let another man put his hands on his body, how it got him excited, how he came from it. 

Spencer didn't judge him. She didn't look at him differently. She was mindful of his feelings, but never walked on eggshells around him. Spencer was a Godsend, she really was. She made everything feel just a little bit lighter. He guessed that was what love is - sharing the weight of your partner's pain. 

When Spencer came out of the bathroom looking as gorgeous as ever, with her soft pink eyeshadow and pretty mauve lips, Derek didn't have to force a smile to reassure her - it just came naturally. Spencer returned the sentiment happily, walking over to the dresser to pick out an outfit. Derek's mouth practically watered when he watched her change into a cropped pink sweater and a tight, denim skirt that had a cute little rose embroidered on the pocket. Jesus, only she could make denim look good and not embarrassingly nineties. 

"Dost thou approve?" Spencer asked playfully. Derek nodded dumbly, not taking his eyes off of her when she slipped on her shoes. 

"You're such a pig." She chastised, emphasizing it with a shove to his shoulder. 

"I must say, though, you yourself look good as well." She added in such a formally, Victorian esque way that Derek had to laugh, before Spencer leaned down to give him a kiss. 

The pair had said their goodbyes to Fran and the girls, promising to be home by lunch, but not before Derek stole a large bite of Desiree's Belgium waffle. That earned him a smack from Fran and he mumbled his apologies through the mouthful of food. And then they were off. Spencer and Derek piled into the cab and Derek gave directions to the local park - okay, it wasn't really a park. It was an area with like five trees, a bench, and a swing set and jungle gym. Still, though. It was important to Derek. He had a lot of firsts at that pitiful little park. 

They promptly exited the cab after paying the driver and strolled towards the swings, hand-in-hand. 

"First time my momma put me on this swing, I screamed my lungs off." Derek said with a laugh as he gave the swing a push. 

"It's okay. When I was five and my dad took me to a park a lot like this one, I ran out into the street screaming about all the germs on the jungle gym." Spencer recalled, which only intensified Derek's laughter. 

"Speaking of jungle gyms and germs.." Derek started, walking towards the aforementioned jungle gym while Spencer followed close behind. "Had my first kiss under here." He bent his knees and climbed underneath one of the platforms, sitting down on the wood chips. 

"Was she a better kisser than me?" Spencer teased as she climbed under and joined him. 

"He was." Derek said, grinning widely. Spencer barked out a laugh at that, leaning her head against Derek's shoulder. 

"His name was Darrell, I was ten and he was twelve. I thought he was so cool, 'cause he had his own bike and was always talking to girls. We were good friends, and one night we were sittin' under here, talkin' about basketball when he asked me if I ever kissed a girl. I told him no and asked if he had. He said yeah and told me he could teach me how to. So, I practiced on him." Derek admitted with a shrug, looking around with a happy grin on his face. 

"Lila Archer. Twelve years old. She was fifteen. She was only nice to me because I would do her chemistry homework." Spencer said with a shake of the head, laughing softly. "She invited me to go swimming at her house, but I was so embarrassed I couldn't even let her see me in a bathing suit. Dysphoria and all that jazz. So, she told me I could come over at nighttime so she couldn't see. I kept my shirt on, hopped in the pool with her, and she kissed me. It was painfully awkward. I didn't even kiss back and she just laughed at me. We didn't really talk much after that." Spencer's smile was slightly sad. She wished she had good childhood memories to share, but they were far and few between. 

"Fuck Lila Archer." Derek said as he slung an arm around Spencer's shoulder, who laughed and shook her head. 

"Speaking of which.. How'd you lose your virginity?" He asked with a smirk, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. Spencer blushed but laughed and gave a smile nonetheless. 

"Ethan Wright. Seventeen years old. CalTech library. He jerked me off in the self-help section. It was very romantic." Spencer recalled, voice dripping with sarcasm. Derek shook his head at that. 

"Nuh uh, come on, handjobs don't count. Full on sex. Spill the deets." Derek pushed, making Spencer blush even deeper. 

"I'll tell you mine." He told her, though there was a slight edge to his voice. Spencer didn't need to know how he cried his way through his first time. 

"Fine, okay. With a guy or a girl?" Spencer said plainly. 

Derek shrugged. "Both." 

"You.. Want to hear about the time I had a threesome?" Spencer asked incredulously. Derek's eyes widened before he started to laugh hysterically, only laughing harder when Spencer narrowed her eyes at him. 

"Oh, my God, no. I mean, yes, but not now. Tell me about your first time with a guy." He requested, giggles dying down. 

"Alright. Okay. There was this guy in my chemical engineering class, Marcus. He was a senior, so he was seven years older than me. And oh God, Derek, he was so hot. Think Chris Hemsworth, pre-Thor, with the short hair and the beard. He was always sneaking glances at me. I wanted to fuck him so bad, but I was - am - literally the most awkward person alive. I couldn't even talk to him. 'Till one day he caught me on my way back to my dorm and crowded me up against the door. He told me I had no idea what I did to him and then he just.. Kissed me. It wasn't even a kiss, Derek, he just fucking mauled my mouth. So, we went inside, I immediately told him I was a virgin and he just told me he knew. He took his time with me, was sweet to me, but hell, he still fucked me like an animal. It was incredible. Slightly painful, but incredible." Spencer detailed wistfully. 

"Damn, why don't you talk about me like that?" Derek teased, earning a glare from Spencer when he poked her in the side. "Okay. Now, girl." 

Spencer rolled her eyes. "Her name was Serenity Atwood. We started talking because I pointed out how ironic it was that she was reading Margaret Atwood. I talked to her about Cat's Eye and compared it to The Edible Woman. We identified protofeminist ideology in her work. She invited me to her dorm and told me she was going to go grab a copy of The Blind Assassin." Spencer paused and Derek grinned mischievously. 

"She 'forgot' the book, didn't she?" He asked. Spencer scoffed. 

"She remembered the book, she just forgot her clothes." Spencer said with a laugh. "She crawled into my lap and kissed me. I just kinda.. Sat there, with my hands at my sides. So she took one of my hands, placed it at the front of her underwear, and, without missing a beat, opened up the book and quoted, 'Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last, and it always tells the truth.' I fingered her and then we had sex. She made all these little noises that were so different from the usual grunts and groans of men. Her body was so soft and supple, miles of smooth honey colored skin. And, because of my expansive knowledge on the anatomy of assigned female sex organs, I made her orgasm three times before I finished. When we were done, she gave me her number and told me I should come over again. I came by the next day and ate her out while she read The Handmaiden's Tale to me out loud. I made it my mission to try and get her to stumble over her words and by the time she was coming, all she did was say my name." Spencer looked over at Derek after recounting the memory, and started to giggle when she saw he was practically salivating. 

"That's.. I need a cold shower." He admitted, Spencer's giggles growing louder. Derek joined in, pulling Spencer closer to him. 

"Your turn." She said, and Derek sighed and nodded. 

"Her name was Latoya Anderson. She was easily the hottest girl in my school. Dark skin girl, thick, natural hair you just wanted to run your fingers through. All the guys on the team talked about her in the locker room. There were rumors that she was a freak, all the guys talkin' 'bout how they knew a guy who knew a guy who fucked her. It was all bullshit, obviously, but I really wanted to find out for myself. We started flirtin', just on some stupid shit. She always giggled, like you do, whenever I made mad corny jokes. And she'd find any excuse to touch me, always rubbing my arm or brushing her fingers against mine. She told me she needed help in trig, but I knew that was bullshit. She was wicked smart, had an A in the class already. So, I knew I was in that. 

"She came over, my momma was at work and Sarah and Desi were with my auntie, so we were all alone in my room. She took out one of her books and pretended to study, so I was like, alright, I'll play that game with you. I didn't even look at her, just stared at my book and soon enough she was all, 'Oh, Derek, I don't get this, help me, please?' I leaned over and started explaining it. She did the practice problem with ease and when I told her good job, she asked if she could get a reward. So, I kissed her. She wasn't my first kiss, but, damn, no one I knew kissed like she did. Her mouth, man, her mouth was crazy. She gave me head and then sat in my lap and rode me. I didn't last long, but she still came and it was the hottest thing I ever saw. Damn, that girl was crazy." Derek said with a tight lipped smile. 

"Bet my head is better." Spencer grumbled, pressing herself into Derek's side, who laughed easily at that. 

"Oh, it is." He reassured. He leaned down and gave her a chaste kiss. They sat under the jungle gym for quite some time, just talking with ease about some of the more happy memories from their childhoods. Spencer told Derek about the time her mom took her to see Hamlet. Derek talked about learning how to catch a baseball with his dad. It came naturally to them, being open and honest with one another. While Spencer began to recall the time her dad brought home a puppy that promptly bit her and ran away, Derek zoned out and began to chew on his bottom lip, deep in thought. He took a few steadying breaths and, when Spencer finished, he spoke his mind. 

"Come on. There's someone I want you to meet." He crawled out from underneath the jungle gym, offering a hand to Spencer to help her up. They wiped off the wood chips from their clothes, Derek oh-so kindly offering to do so on Spencer's butt. 

"You look like Kelly Kapowski in that damn thing." Derek commented on Spencer's skirt. 

"Kelly who?" Spencer questioned innocently. Derek just shook his head and laughed, taking her hand in his. He didn't reveal where they were going as they strolled down the sidewalk together. Derek pointed out some of the places he used to visit when he was a kid, until the easy conversation soon became strained until it dwindled into an uncomfortable silence. Spencer soon saw why as they slowly approached an old cemetery. She didn't say a word, just squeezed Derek's hand in encouragement. They walked passed various headstones until Derek found his destination with memorized ease. Before their eyes was a headstone that read: 

"Hank Morgan. Loving father, husband, and brother." 

Derek stared down at it with hard eyes, trying to keep himself from crying. Spencer sat down on the ground before the stone, and began to speak calmly. 

"It's an honor to be able to meet you, Mr. Morgan." Derek's bottom lip began to tremble as he listened. 

"You have an amazing son, one I'm so happy to be in love with. He treats me with the utmost respect, something I bet he learned from you. Your kindness and strength is evident in him. He embodies everything I know you must've been. I'm proud of him everyday, and I know you are, too." Spencer said, looking over to Derek with that beautiful smile that broke the dam he tried so hard to keep intact. He let out a broken sob and Spencer immediately stood up to wrap him up in her arms. He cried into her shoulder, letting years of macho bravado wash away as he expelled all the feelings of grief he had to hide. He had to be strong for his mom, his sisters, his aunts and uncles. He was the man of the house at eleven years old. He didn't have time to cry, didn't have time to mourn. They didn't speak of his father. It was a thick fog that hung over them that was never addressed. Sarah had thrown all her pictures of him against the wall, and Derek had rushed to his big sister and comforted her as she wailed. Desiree wouldn't eat for weeks, despite Derek bringing her meals whenever he could. His mother laid in bed, catatonic for quite some time until she devoted herself to work. Sometimes, looking at her children was a painful reminder of who she had lost, and she couldn't help but cry herself to sleep, clutching the pillow on the empty side of the bed. But Derek didn't allow himself to shed a tear then, so he had to now. 

"I miss him so much." Derek said breathlessly, clutching onto Spencer for dear life. She nodded and rubbed the back of his neck soothingly. She felt tears of her own prickling at her eyes, and she chastised herself for it. She had no right to cry. She had never experienced a loss like Derek had. But she couldn't help but think of her own father. He abandoned her, never bothering to send her birthday cards or Christmas presents. He left a little 12 year old girl all alone with a mother who, try as she might, could never care for her the way she needed. Spencer knew what it was like to have to be strong, what it was like to be the parent to a parent. She was light years ahead of other adolescents in terms of maturity, but no amount of genius can keep those crippling feelings of abandonment and anger from crawling up on a person. 

So, Spencer did the only thing she knew how to do. "I love you." She said, holding Derek tight. "I love you so much." 

Derek hiccuped and sniffled, his sobs slowing to a halt. "I love you more than anything." He admitted in a quaint voice, nuzzling Spencer's neck. She kissed the top of his head and just let him stand there in her arms for a while. 

Derek finally pulled away and gave Spencer a lingering kiss before he rubbed his nose lovingly against hers. 

"I meant what I said. He would be so proud of you, I know it." Spencer insisted, taking Derek's face in her hands and stroking his cheekbones. 

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" He questioned, his voice wavering slightly. Spencer simply shook her head. 

"For a woman, all resurrection, all salvation, from whatever perdition, lies in love; in fact, it is her only way to it." She said with a smile. Derek laughed at that and shook his head. 

"Pretty misogynist quote, don't you think?" He commented as he wiped at his eyes. 

"Hey, it's pretty good for a man born in 1820's Russia. It's a win that he even mentions a woman." Spencer replied teasingly. She took Derek's hand in hers and kissed his knuckles before intertwining their fingers. 

"Come on, your mother probably wants us back for lunch." She said, jerking her head in the direction of the cemetery gate. Derek nodded in silent agreement and the two exited a place filled with grief and sorrow, towards a home filled with love and family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The only way to find true happiness is to risk being completely cut open." Chuck Palahniuk - Invisible Monsters


	5. To Love Is To Be Vulnerable

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's angst. it's pure angst, guys. i'm the angst monster. this chapter made me cry and then smile and then cry again and now i just need to eat ice cream and lay down for a while. but im truly proud of this chapter. it's one of the most raw things ive ever written. there is a heavy warning for child sexual abuse. it's very explicit. please be careful.

There were three times in Derek's life when his heart stopped. The first was when he heard the sound of gunshots, and looked down and saw his hero bleeding out on the asphalt. The second was when he felt a strong hand on the inside of his thigh, too high up and too close for comfort.

And the third was when he heard an all too familiar voice call out his name.

He had his fingers intertwined with Spencer's, their arms swinging back and forth as Derek narrated their walk home in his best tour guide voice. When they passed an old football field that must've seen better days, Derek's grip didn't tighten on Spencer's hand. He looked over to it, lost in a sense of nostalgia.

"They weren't all bad memories." Derek reassured Spencer, who smiled proudly at him. Just as they were about to turn down Fran's street, an unknown voice came from behind the couple. Derek's whole body stiffened and as he spun around, he let out an honest to God growl and pushed Spencer behind him.

Spencer was bewildered, but soon saw why Derek was so angry and frightened. In front of them was a dark man with a sinister grin that made her blood run cold. The way he eyed Derek like a piece of meat opened Spencer's eyes.

Carl Buford.

"Derek." His predatory grin grew wider. "I didn't recognize you, you got so big. Not that scrawny little boy anymore, huh?" He attempted to joke, but Derek's jaw just clenched and he lost all self control.

"Yeah, I'm not your type anymore, am I?" He spit out venomously. Spencer put her hand on his shoulder, but he just tensed under the contact, so she quickly withdrew it and pretended it didn't sting.

"I don't know what you're talking about." Carl feigned innocence.

"You know what you did." Derek said, his bottom lip beginning to quiver. Carl looked at him and gave him a small, slightly sad smile that didn't convey any semblance of sympathy or regret.

"You could've said no, son." He reached out to touch Derek's shoulder and Derek jerked back so quickly he tumbled into Spencer. She placed a steadying hand on the small of his back, but he just whimpered low in his throat.

"Don't fucking touch me." Derek's hands balled into fists and Spencer resisted the urge to tell him they were in public.

"You liked it the last time I did." Carl said innocently, like he had no idea the pain he had caused. Spencer saw right through his façade, and when Derek's posture changed and he nearly lunged at Carl, she had to use all her strength to restrain him. He was a lot stronger than he looked, if that was even possible, but Spencer knew he wouldn't hurt her, no matter how badly he wanted to rip Carl's throat out.

"Derek, don't." She warned him. Derek clenched his jaw so hard Spencer was afraid he'd break a tooth.

"My, who's this?" Carl said, settling his gaze on Spencer. She stared him down with a look that could've sent shivers down a psychopath's spine.

"None of your damn business." She replied, trying to keep her voice calm and steady. Spencer was a pacifist, had always been her whole life, but in that moment she wanted so badly to beat his face into the curb.

"Don't talk to her. Don't even look at her." Derek said, taking another step forward.

"Derek, let's go." Spencer pleaded. Derek reluctantly complied, turning around slowly before he stopped to say one last thing.

"You'll rot in hell for this." He didn't give Carl a chance to reply before he pulled on Spencer's arm, a bit too rough. She didn't say a word.

They walked home in silence, and when they reached Fran's apartment, Derek slammed the door so hard it nearly splintered under the force.

"Derek?" Fran asked hesitantly, watching as her son, her baby, stormed off in the direction of his bedroom. "Derek!" She called after him again, going to follow him but Spencer put her hand out.

"Let him go." She said softly, trying not to tear up at the look in Fran's eyes.

"What happened?" Fran said before she paused. Something in her eyes changed as she asked, "Did you have a fight?" Spencer gave a sad smile and sighed, shaking her head.

"It's.. It's not my place to tell you what's happened. Derek will, when he's ready." Spencer tried to affirm, reaching out to touch Fran's shoulder. The older woman sighed and looked at Spencer helplessly but nodded. Desiree and Sarah entered the main room, looking just as confused as Fran was.

"Why is Derek so angsty? He's slamming doors like a teenager." Desiree commented, oblivious as she went to the fridge to grab a soda. Sarah seemed more concerned.

"Is he okay?" She asked, eyes darting between Spencer and Fran. Both women gave strained smiles.

"He's fine." Spencer answered, leaving it at that.

When several hours passed and Derek didn't come out of his room, Spencer feared the worst. Everyone was concerned, to say the least, but only Spencer could understand the severity of it. As every second passed, she felt her stomach drop lower and lower. Fran prepared a plate for Derek and went to go give it to him, but Spencer offered instead. The woman didn't argue, just wishing the best for her son.

Spencer hesitantly knocked on the bedroom door. "Derek? It's me. I-I brought food." She offered weakly. No response.

"Derek, please just let me know you're okay in there. Just.. Give me some sort of sign, so I know you're conscious at least?" She worried her bottom lip and images of Derek hurting himself flooded her mind. She remembered word-for-word what Derek had seen all those nights ago. " _I wished I was dead every time he put his hands on me!_ " Her hands began to shake and she resisted the urge to just break down the door and rush to Derek, scooping him up in her arms and comforting him. She heard two soft knocks come from the inside of the room and she let out a sigh of relief.

"Okay. Thank you. I'm going to leave this here for you." Spencer paused, then added feebly, "I love you." Derek didn't say a word.

Spencer returned to the main room and was immediately bombarded my Fran. "Did he say anything? Is he eating?" She asked helplessly. Spencer sighed.

"No. I- Fran, I think it'd be beneficial if we stayed another night, if that's okay? Derek, he- He's going to need his family." She told the woman, looking down and picking at her sweater. Sarah and Desiree were shaken with worry at Spencer's statement, but they all just nodded in silent agreement. They stood in an uncomfortable silence until they heard a loud crash come from Derek's room. The women rushed into action, hurrying to the door, only to find it was still locked.

"Derek, baby, please open the door. Please, sweetheart, I'm- I'm so scared for you." Fran begged, tears welling up in her eyes.

"We're all scared, D. We care about you. Please." Desiree said softly, shedding a tear of her own. Sarah stood silently, bunching her hands into fists as her sides. She was his big sister, she was supposed to be able to protect him. She felt as though she had failed him.

"Baby, you can't shut us out." Spencer said firmly, trying to stay calm for the other women though she wanted nothing more than to curl into a ball and cry for her love.

"Spencer.." She heard from behind the door. Her breath caught in her throat when she heard the door unlock. She looked at the other women, who stared at her with tears running down their faces.

"You go." Fran said softly. "He needs you." She seemed hurt and confused as to why her son didn't want her there, but she urged Spencer to go inside regardless. The other woman nodded and slowly slipped into the room. She gasped softly when she saw shards of glass littered around Derek's closet. He had smashed the mirror on the door. She rushed to his side, fearing that he had used the glass to harm himself, but after her eyes roamed over his body and found no injuries save for the cuts on his knuckles, she exhaled sharply.

Derek looked at her and Spencer felt her heart break. He looked like a scared, lost, little boy. He wordlessly scooted to her side, hiding his face in her neck, and Spencer gladly wrapped her arms around him. He looked so small, curled up into a little ball. He was no longer the visage of the big, strong man everyone perceived him as. Right then, he was small and scared and Spencer couldn't do anything but hold him. There were no words she could say that could ever make the pain go away, but her touch quelled the storm inside him.

"Get it out." Derek whimpered softly against the fabric of Spencer's sweater, damp with his snot and tears. "Get his voice out of my head."

" _Good boy._ "

" _Such a pretty little mouth_."

" _So tight for me_."

" _No one can touch you like I can_."

Derek's hands came up to his ears and he held them there tightly.

" _You're my special boy, Derek_."

" _I'm the only one who can make you feel this good._ "

His blunt nails dug into the side of his face, but Spencer's long, nimble fingers reached out and gently pulled them away.

"It's just us here. It's just me, Derek." Spencer ran her fingers along the crescent wounds on the side of his face, then placed a kiss to each one of them.

"I love you." She whispered close to his ear. The voice became quieter and quieter.

" _They were renewed by love; the heart of each held infinite sources of life for the heart of the other._ " Spencer quoted. Derek hummed his approval and burrowed closer into her.

" _I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close._ " Derek's breathing began to steady as Spencer continued to whisper to him.

" _To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable_." Her voice teetered off into a barely audible murmur as she began to silently sob, holding Derek's head close to her heart. He blinked back his own tears, and, after moments of silennce and several steadying breaths, he spoke.

"I'm ready." He stated simply, and Spencer nodded her understanding. She slowly stood up, holding Derek as he did the same. She took his hand and they both walked towards the door. She looked at him, and he at her, and for the first time in a long time, it felt truly okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "This is my last message to you: in sorrow, seek happiness." Fyodor Dostoyevsky


	6. Handle With Care

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> warnings for discussion of child sexual abuse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I am a mother and mothers don’t have the luxury of falling apart in front of their children, even when they are afraid, even when their children are adults." Kristin Hannah

The eyes of Fran, Sarah, and Desiree burned through Derek like lasers. He was used to having eyes on him. He oozed swagger and confidence, and he always garnered the attention of everyone around him. The glances people snuck at him always boosted his self esteem, but at that moment, he wished he was invisible.

"Baby.." Fran said as she rushed to him. Derek wrapped his arms around her. Despite being in such a desperate, vulnerable state, the instinct to protect his family came first.

"Derek, what's going on?" Sarah asked. She looked so afraid, but she was desperately trying to keep it together.

"Sit down. All of you." Derek said stoically. "Please."

Everyone nodded dumbly, taking their seats in the arm chairs and love seat around Derek, who sat down on the sofa with Spencer. Derek swallowed, the air in his lungs like a thick vice.

"I- I ran into Carl Buford this morning." He started. Spencer blindly placed her hand on Derek's, averting her gaze down to her lap. She studied the wrinkles in her skirt and tried not to cry.

"Did he say something to you?" Fran said, her frown evident in her tone. Derek bit back a bitter laugh and shook his head.

"No, momma, I-" He paused, Spencer's grip on his hand tightening.

"Carl Buford molested me." Both Sarah and Desiree gasped, but other than that the room was silent. The words hung in the air like lingering smoke and Derek began to shake.

"No." Fran said after too many agonizing seconds had passed. She began to shake her head, her expression unreadable.

"Momma, he-" Derek began, but he was quickly interrupted.

"No!" She cried out again. She looked up at Derek, her eyes filled with tears, then at Spencer, who couldn't meet her gaze. Fran stifled a sob and looked helplessly at her son.

"He took me up to his cabin and he- I'm sorry. I'm sorry, God, I'm so sorry." Derek buried his face in his hands, letting the tears flow freely.

"You're _sorry_?" Fran spit. Spencer's back stiffened and she stared the woman down, hurt and confusion mixing with anger in her eyes.

"Why are _you_ sorry?" Derek's mother began to cry, her bottom lip quivering. "I didn't- I couldn't protect you, I- oh God, Derek." She lost all her resolve and sobs racked her body as she hurried over to her son. And just like that, Derek was six years old again, afraid of the monsters in his closet and the boogeyman in his dreams. But monsters were real, and the boogeyman, no longer faceless and nameless, still haunted him when he closed his eyes. He cried and cried, wrapped up in his mother's arms as she desperately tried to shelter him.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, it was my fault." Derek gasped between sobs, and the sound of Spencer's heart breaking was practically audible. She whimpered, digging her nails into her palms so hard she drew blood. Sarah came to her, pulling her into a tight hug and they cried together as Desiree watched the scene unfold, feeling helpless and guilty. All the times she had come to her big brother about something so trivial he had been shouldering such unimaginable pain. She felt disgusted with herself, like she was so self absorbed she never even noticed he was hurting.

The older sister felt the same, cursing herself for not seeing her little brother was in need. She had abandoned him, left for college the day he turned thirteen. How long had Carl been hurting him? If she had stayed, could she have stopped it? She blamed herself. She pictured her brother lying helpless on the floor with that monster of a man looming over him and bile rose in her throat. She quickly released Spencer and rushed to the sink, emptying the contents of her stomach pathetically. Desiree began to weep at the sight of her family so distraught and pained. Every sob, every soft apology Derek murmured, was fodder for her tears.

Spencer sat deathly silent, Derek's words like punches to her gut.

"I should've stopped him, I should've fought him. I should've told you. I'm so sorry." He cried, clutching onto Fran for dear life.

"Are you ashamed of me?" He asked in a broken voice. Fran shook her head vehemently.

"I'm proud of you." She told him, kissing his head and squeezing him tight. Derek let out a pitiful scoff and he looked to his mother.

" _Proud_? How could you ever be _proud_?" Fran took her son's face in her hands, placing a kiss to each of his cheeks before she smiled sadly at him.

"You are my son. My sweet, brave, beautiful son. You survived. You came out on the other end of the tunnel a new man, a better man. You embody strength. I'm so proud of you." She told him in a wavering voice. "I only wish your father was here to see the wonderful man his baby boy grew up into." Derek lost all of his resolve and wailed until he couldn't breathe, soaking Fran's shirt with his tears.

"We love you, Derek." Desiree's small voice came from across the room. Derek hiccuped and pulled back.

"C'mere. All of you." He pleaded. Spencer and his sisters all rushed to the couch, enveloping him in a massive hug. They all shed tears for not only Derek, but for themselves.

Soon, Derek had exhausted himself and went to lie down, requesting to be alone. Nobody expected an explanation and they all settled down in the main room while Fran busied herself by making tea.

"How- How long did you know?" Sarah tentatively asked Spencer, who let out a shaky sigh.

"He told me a year and a half ago, the night I came out to him." She explained, remembering the heartache of that night, but also the hopefulness as they had held each other close and fell into a dreamless sleep.

"God, why didn't he tell us?" Desiree questioned, rubbing at her teary eyes.

"Men who suffer abuse at the hands of other men often feel ashamed because of the stigma surrounding homosexuality. He must've been afraid you'd think he was gay, or that he enjoyed it." Spencer said sadly.

"But that's bullshit!" Desiree cried. Sarah shot her a warning glare but Desiree just continued. "We're his family!"

Spencer reached out and touched Desiree's knee. "I know, and I think that's what made it so hard for him. The thought of you, of all people, thinking less of him, of being ashamed of him.. It was too much."

"How long?" Sarah asked, her voice cold.

"I-" Spencer attempted to placate her, but Sarah refused to let it slide.

"Spencer, how long was my brother being molested?" Sarah demanded. Spencer looked up at her and met her gaze. Her eyes were filled with angry tears and Spencer sighed.

"He told me it stopped when he was seventeen. He had gone through puberty at that time and he was.. No longer Carl's type." Spencer attempted to put it delicately. Sarah rose from her seat and began to pace, roughly running her fingers through her relaxed hair.

"Six years. Six years that man put his hands on my brother and I didn't even- I couldn't-" She shook her head, shying away from Desiree's comforting touches.

"I need to- I have to be alone. I'm sorry." Sarah announced, disappearing down the hallway. Desiree and Spencer looked at one another, both exhaling sharply.

"What did he do to him?" Desiree asked, more tears welling up in her eyes. "God, did he- did he _rape_ him?"

Spencer bit down on her tongue so hard she nearly put a hole through it. "I can't answer that. He'll tell you when he's ready."

Desiree nodded and reached for a tissue from the coffee table, dabbing around her eyes. "I know, I'm sorry, I just-" She looked at Spencer with such sadness in her eyes. "He's my big brother." She murmured, looking down at her hands. Spencer squeezed her knee gently, earning a soft, grateful smile from Desiree.

"I'm going to go check on your mom." Spencer said, patting Desiree's thigh before she stood and retreated to the kitchen. Fran was pouring tea into little cups with shaky hands.

"How are you?" Spencer asked, knowing she wouldn't get an honest answer any time soon.

"I'm fine, dear." Fran replied with a strained smile. Her tone was emotionless and a lump rose in Spencer's throat.

"No. No, you're not." Spencer said simply before she pulled Fran into a hug. The older woman sobbed quietly until she felt as though she had run out of tears.

"I failed him. I- My only job, my only job as a mother was to protect him and I couldn't even do that. I can't help but see my little boy, just.. Lying there while he was being-" She shook her head, trying to dislodge the images from her brain. "And I wonder.. I wonder if he ever cried out for me. If he ever- ever prayed for me to come and save him, but I didn't. I wasn't there for him. I failed him." She reiterated, forcing back more tears.

"Fran, you-" Spencer barely got in before Fran started again.

"I want to kill him, Spencer. I want to kill the bastard who touched my little boy. I want to castrate him, want to watch him suffer through unimaginable pain that could never compare to what he did to my baby. I don't want him to ever think about Derek again. He doesn't deserve that. I want to see him burn." She told Spencer honestly through a clenched jaw. She said the words and ideas Spencer had always thought whenever Derek woke her in the night, crying and shaking from nightmares.

"You did everything you could given the circumstances. This is not your fault. It's nobody's fault but Carl Buford's. I promise you this, he will get his, all in due time. I do not believe in karma nor fate, but I know that right now, the universe is looking out for your son." Spencer affirmed as she took Fran's hand in hers.

"What you're feeling right now, it's valid. I once read a book, one called 'A Tree Grows in Brooklyn'. There was a line that stuck with me. It said, 'It's come at last, the time when you can no longer stand between your children and heartache.' You cannot protect the people you love from everything, because heartache is what shapes a personality." Fran looked to Spencer tearfully but with a smile as she nodded slowly.

"Thank you. Thank you, Spencer. I couldn't ask for a better woman for my son. You love him so deeply you may be giving me a run for my money." The way the joke rolled easily off her tongue made Spencer smile wide and genuine.

"I couldn't ask for a better man, Mrs. Morgan." Spencer repliedbhonestly. Before she could turn to go check on Derek, Fran reached out to stop her.

"You will make a wonderful mother some day, Spencer." Fran had happy tears brimming around her eyes as she gave Spencer's shoulder a squeeze.

"I can only hope I'll be half as good of one as you are." Spencer replied with a smile before turning down the hall. When she went to knock on Derek's door, she heard a sound that was greater than any music she could ever hear; the easy sound of Derek laughing.

She slowly pushed the door open to find Derek and Sarah laying on the floor together with their fingers intertwined, staring at the ceiling as they talked.

"You remember the time daddy took you and me to see Jaws? You were what, four?" Sarah recalled, looking at her brother and giggling.

"Five. Momma lost her shit about that." Derek corrected with a chuckle. "And oh yeah, I remember. I remember how you cried when they killed the fucking shark." He said with a lazy grin.

"Big talk coming from the guy who cried during Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory because you thought the blueberry girl was going to explode all over you. You didn't eat blueberries for two months because of that." Sarah jibed back. Spencer couldn't help but giggle, earning the attention of the two siblings. Derek gave her a wide, gummy smile.

"Hey." He said easily, making Spencer feel all fluttery, like the first time they had met.

"Sorry for ruining the moment." She replied sheepishly. Both Sarah and Derek laughed softly at that and shook their heads.

"Nah, you made it better. C'mere." He said, patting the ground next to him. Spencer hesitantly walked to him, laying awkwardly on the floor. Derek put his arm around Spencer, holding Sarah's hand with the other.

"Tell Sarah about how we met." He requested. Spencer looked at the two siblings with wide eyes before she cleared her throat.

"Um- I ran into your brother on the sidewalk outside of a café. Like, literally ran into him." She said with a giggle. "I spilled coffee all over myself and thought about how shitty of a first impression that was. I had been trying to walk and read at the same time. Best mistake I ever made." She gave Derek a dopey smile. He laughed and shook his head at her.

"You forgot the best part." He said. Spencer furrowed her brows in response.

"The part where you gave me a lesson in Russian literature and then informed me about the amount of germs in the air at any given moment. Thanks for that, by the way. I still can't sit next to someone with a cold because of you." Derek teased, earning a glare from Spencer and a groan from Sarah.

"You two are rotting my teeth over here." She complained. Derek simply shoved his sister's shoulder.

"Like you were any better when you talked about Janae Wright. You were so deep in lesbians with that girl, it was sickeningly sweet. Oh, wait, but you were just friends, weren't you?" Derek said with mock innocence. Sarah's eyes widened at that.

"How did you-" She began, but Derek's laughter cut her off.

"You don't honestly believe you were subtle, right? C'mon. Not only did you talk about that girl like the sun shone out of her ass, your eyes always lingered on the posters I had of Karen Alexander. It's amazing how momma and Desiree never noticed." Derek said lightheartedly. Sarah smiled widely at her brother.

"Thank you." She said, to which Derek simply replied with a nod.

"Can I join the love fest?" Said a soft voice from the doorway. Sarah, Spencer, and Derek all looked to see Desiree grinning shyly at them. They all gave eager nods and soon she was joining them on the floor. The group talked easily, sharing little stories and anecdotes from the happiest moments of their lives.

"I remember when I fell in love with you." Derek said matter-of-factly to Spencer.

"You were sitting on my couch with a thousand books surrounding you. You had your glasses on. They made your nose look so cute. Clooney was sleeping in front of the couch and you were petting him with your foot. You started to read aloud quietly and I looked at you and I thought, 'Yeah. This is it. This is what I want to see everyday for the rest of my life.'" He turned to look at Spencer and placed his hand on her cheek, giving her a long, chaste kiss.

Desiree let out an "awww!" while Sarah gagged and told them to keep it G rated. They all fell into a giggle fit, unable to quell their laughter. Fran, faintly hearing the commotion, came to investigate and what she saw made her heart swell to twice it's size, Grinch-style. She smiled fondly at her little family before she slipped away without a word. That night, she was able to rest easily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "So how on earth can I bring a child into the world, knowing that such sorrow lies ahead, that it is such a large part of what it means to be human? I'm not sure. That's my answer: I'm not sure." Anne Lamott


	7. Shoulda Put A Ring On It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We can truly love only with suffering and through suffering. We know not how to love otherwise. We know no other love. I want suffering in order to love." Fyodor Dostoyevsky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have a painfully sweet and beautiful, if i do say so myself, chapter, and see it as an apology for the heartache the previous one has caused. there shall be more to come!

The next morning, Derek woke to the feeling of Spencer's soft, steady breath ghosting across his lips. He opened his eyes to find hers were closed, her forehead pressed to his and her arms around his waist protective. Derek swallowed a lump in his throat when he saw the dried tears on her face and residual redness on her nose, but smiled at her nonetheless. He laid there and watched her sleep for some time, memorizing the curves of her sharp cheekbones, the subtlety defined jaw, her petite nose and diamond shaped lips. With her hair mussed, without a stitch of makeup, with dark circles under her eyes, she was the most beautiful woman in the world to Derek.

She was everything to him, everything for him. She was it. She was the one person in the world who he had bared his soul to, who he'd let himself be torn open in front of. And she was the only person who still loved him after the darkness inside him seeped into their lives. She was the one who cleaned up the metaphorical blood that was Derek's sorrows, never shying away or worrying about it staining her clothes. She was his symposium, the Eurydice to his Orpheus, the Frida Kahlo to his Diego Rivera, the Marie Skoldowska to his Pierre Curie.

He looked down for a moment, lost in thought before he nodded slowly and slipped out of Spencer's grip. She didn't even stir, so physically and emotionally exhausted from the trying day they had had the night prior. He heard rustling from the living room and sighed, padding barefoot through the hallway until he was met with the wide open space of the main room. On the love seat sat Sarah, a mug of coffee in her hand and a lost look on her face. When she saw Derek, her demeanor changed into that of adoration and they both shared a smile. Derek plopped down next to her on the couch and put his arm around her. They sat there, still for a few moments as they stared out the window overlooking the city, before Derek pulled back and looked at his sister determinedly.

"I need your help with something."

                 _________________

When Spencer woke up alone to a cold spot on Derek's side of the bed, she frowned deeply. She expected he would be needing to sleep in, given the circumstances. When she glanced at the clock, her eyes widened a little bit. Shit, it was pretty late in the afternoon. How long had she slept? After a few moments taken to collect herself, Spencer threw back the covers and reluctantly faced what the day presented. She slowly made her way out into the open floor plan, looking around to find Desiree and Fran sitting at the breakfast table, smiling and laughing about something. The sight made Spencer herself grin widely, before she made her presence known.

"Good morning, sweetie." Fran said cheerfully, giving Spencer an awkward but good natured hug from her chair. Bless that woman.

"Hey, Spence." Desiree greeted with a wide, easy smile. "We thought you were going to sleep the day away." She added jokingly. Spencer huffed out a laugh at that, taking a seat as she rubbed the sleepiness from her eyes.

"I probably would've if I didn't notice Derek was gone. Where is he, by the way?" Spencer questioned, peering around as if he was hiding somewhere. Maybe behind the curtains, that sneaky fucker. As Spencer turned her head, Fran and Desiree shared a knowing glance with one another that went unnoticed by Spencer.

"Oh, he went to get coffee with Sarah. Should be back soon." Desiree said casually. Spencer's eyebrow twitched up in confusion.

"Coffee? At," she peeked at the clock, "three in the afternoon?" She asked incredulously. Desiree looked at her mother helplessly for a split second before Fran spoke up.

"Yes, dear, he wanted you to have a fresh coffee once you got your silly little butt out of bed." She teased. Spencer giggled at that and shook her head.

"Alright. I'm going to take a shower. If Derek's home before I'm out, tell him he better keep my coffee warm or there'll be hell to pay." Spencer said sternly as she exited the kitchen. Once she disappeared down the hallway, Desiree turned to her mouth after letting out a big gust of air.

"I am a horrible liar." She confessed. Fran smiled sweetly and shook her head.

"Oh, baby, I knew that from the moment you tried to tell me a colony of ants broke my favorite vase, not you." She said condescendingly, patting Desiree's face. Desiree scrunched her nose up but smiled despite that.

"Do you think she knows?" She whispered, peering over her shoulder to make sure Spencer wasn't listening in.

Fran shook her head and grinned widely. "Not a clue."

   _________________

It was a princess cut diamond with a simple silver band, encrusted with smaller gems around the main stone. Derek had gotten himself a simple, white gold band. What was even better, though, was that for an extra grand (bringing Derek's overall total to a whopping $4,000) he could have both rings engraved on the spot.

"God, you love her." Sarah commented as she stared at Derek from across the table they sat at, eating lunch as they waited for the man at the jewelry shop to call back to notify them when the rings had finished being engraved.

"No, really?" Derek said with a gasp as he took a big bite of his sandwich.

"You're so gross." Sarah's nose crinkled up at the sight and she shook her head. "And you're so grossly in love with her. You haven't stopped smiling since you came to me this morning, and we've been here for," she checked her watch, "almost five hours. Your cheeks must be killing you."

Derek grinned through a mouthful of food. "Anything for my girl." Sarah's laugh was cut short as the sound of Derek's phone rang loud and proud. Showtime. Derek practically catapulted out of his seat, leaving a fifty on the table, not even bothering to get the check. He was like an overexcited puppy whose owner was dangling a treat in front of his face.

"Wait, Derek." Sarah said as she grabbed his arm. He glared at her and barked, "What?"

She laughed softly at that, earning another glare from her brother. "How are you going to do it?"

Derek's expression took a complete one eighty and soon he was smiling that same dopey smile. "I'm gonna combine her two favorite things in life: coffee and me."

               _________________

As Spencer pulled her soft cotton robe around her freshly showered body, she immediately felt as though something was just.. Off. She took a peek outside the door of the bathroom before she shrugged to herself and continued over to the bedroom. She nearly had a heart attack when she saw Derek standing there with a Starbucks cup and a wide smile on his face.

"Jesus Christ, I'm too young to die from a myocardial infarction." She said dramatically. Derek laughed and mumbled his apologies as he walked towards Spencer and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Got you somethin'." He said nonchalantly, letting go of Spencer's waist to hold the coffee cup up.

"You're forgiven." Spencer said before she reached out and grabbed the cup. She immediately frowned.

"Why is this empty?" She implored. When she shifted the cup in her hand, she heard something inside of it slide around. She looked at Derek incredulously.

"I don't know. Open it." He said with a noncommittal gesture. Spencer narrowed her eyes but popped the lid off the cup regardless. When she saw it, it took everything in her not to let the cup slip from her fingers.

"You did not." Was all she could say as her eyes darted between Derek and the two rings that laid inside the cup.

"I totally did." He said with a laugh. "Come on, look at them." He urged. Spencer blinked several times in disbelief before she dumped the cup's contents out into her hand.

"It's.. They're so beautiful." She said, mesmerized at the way the precious gems shone in the light. Woah, woah, wait. Shit just got hokey and sentimental. But she certainly didn't care.

"Look at the bands." Derek said, shaking with excitement and anticipation. Spencer rang her nimble fingers along the smooth, cold band before she turned them to read what was engraved:

On Derek's, " _The mystery of human existence lies not in just staying alive.._ "

And on Spencer's, "... _but in finding something to live for."_

"I- What do you think? I mean, you kinda proposed to me with an apple, and as cute as that was, you can't really wear a piece of fruit on your person so I just thought.. You know. We don't even have to get married, officially, I mean. A wise Doctor once told me, 'Derek, marriage is an archaic tradition rooted in misogyny and heterocentricity.' I just wanna be able to call you my wife, even if it's not on paper." Derek rambled, rubbing the back of his neck as he stared at Spencer's awestruck expression.

"And, you know, last night, after everything you- you still held me. You didn't shy away from me, and you didn't let me shut you out. Spencer, being in love with you- it you scares me. This, what we have, it frightens the hell out of me. Because I've completely cut myself open for you, and you've done the same. This connection, it's unreal, and I- I just want you to know, what I said last night, about the first time I realized I was in love with you, I meant it. I want to wake up next to you everyday, for the rest of my life. I want to have a million more of those 'aha' moments, where I look at you and fall in love all over again." He continued, his voice wavering as he reached out to touch Spencer's cheek.

"Derek." Spencer said, looking up at him with what could only be defined as heart-eyes.

"Yeah?" The man replied sheepishly with a shy grin.

"Stop talking and put this fucking ring on your finger."

Derek let out an airy laugh, looking at Spencer with teary eyes. She handed him the ring and, in unison, they slipped them onto their fingers. The pair was so dizzy with happiness that it felt like the room was spinning and they were free falling into oblivion, but it felt right, like this was where they'd always belonged; suspended in mid air, walking on nothing. The pure embodiment of bliss. Derek couldn't help but let a tear fall.

"Dr. and Mr. Derek Morgan? Or Dr. and Mr. Spencer Reid? I know you'd hate Mr. and Mrs. Derek Morgan." Derek asked teasingly as he wiggled his fingers, relishing in the feeling of the cool metal against his skin.

"How about we just stay Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid?" Spencer replied with a smile. She reached out and placed her hand on Derek's face and the man leaned into the touch, rubbing his cheek against her ring.

"Yeah, I always liked those two." Derek said before leaning in to kiss Spencer softly. They rested their foreheads against one another for a few moments until Spencer murmured, "I marry thee, Derek Morgan."

He looked at her, then, without missing a beat, whispered back, "I marry thee, Spencer Reid."

And when Desiree, Fran, and Sarah heard the soft rhythmic beat of Derek's headboard against the wall, they all decided it was probably best to go get pizza and resist the urge to stick forks in their ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight." Vladimir Nabokov


	8. Garden of Eden

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And yet another moral occurs to me now: Make love when you can. It's good for you." Kurt Vonnegut

Spencer laid on her back, panting and trying to catch her breath as she stared up at the ceiling, wearing nothing but her ring and a lazy smile. When Derek returned from the bathroom with a warm washcloth, he proceeded to assist Spencer in cleaning up.

"We scared away momma and my sisters." He commented with a chuckle as he wiped the cloth across her stomach. Spencer laughed softly and pulled Derek back down onto the bed for a kiss. When she slipped her tongue in his mouth and ran her hand up his thigh, he snorted in disbelief.

"What the fuck? Again?" He questioned, looking at Spencer with a cocked eyebrow. She simply shrugged in response.

"You're seriously going to kill me." Derek said with a groan that was cut short as Spencer trailed her finger up his length. He was barely hard, because although he prided himself in his stamina and refraction period, he was still nearly forty years old. He was getting there, though, and was pleased to see that _someone_ was already ready to go.

"Jesus, how are you hard already?" Derek questioned as he stared at Spencer's leaking cock. She giggled in response to his scrutiny.

"Cause, look at you." She said plainly, wrapping her hand around Derek's length and jerking him easily. "Your ebony tone be lockin' me, the way you moan make me daydream 'bout you on top of me." She sang with a wide grin on her face. Derek barked out a laugh at that, shaking his head.

"Nas? Really?" Spencer shrugged once again and placed a hand on Derek's chest.

"On your back." She said forcefully as she pushed on Derek's chest. He complied eagerly, laying back and spreading his legs slightly to accommodate Spencer as she settled between them. She wasted no time and put her mouth to good use, taking Derek all the way down her throat a little too fast. He couldn't help himself from bucking up into the touch with a loud groan and winced when he heard Spencer gag.

"Sorry, sorry." He apologized, taking deep breaths and trying to steady himself. Spencer pulled off momentarily to whisper ''s'okay" before diving right back in. She bobbed her head up and down quickly, using her vast repertoire of skills to bring Derek to full hardness. When he was finally standing loud and proud, she grinned up and him and giggled before sitting in his lap and kissing him. Within seconds she was pushing her ass against Derek's cock, rolling her hips and reaching backwards to take him in her hand. Derek, however, had other plans and smacked Spencer's hand away.

"Nuh uh, not yet. Wanna worship you, make love to you." He said softly, placing his hands gently on Spencer's hips, kissing across her neck and chest.

She huffed. "I don't want you to make love to me, I want you to _fuck_ me." She punctuated with another roll of her hips. Derek was groaning and trying desperately not to thrust up and meet her ministrations. Must stay strong. Do not give in. Oh, no. Booty. Sweet booty. Cannot resist the booty.

And with that, Derek let his hands travel down to Spencer's aforementioned sweet booty.

"C'mon, you don't have to finger me, I'm already prepped." Spencer whined in protest, but Derek ignored her, running his finger along her hole.

"Still wet for me, huh?" He commented as he dragged his finger through the lube still present from the last round. He began to press kisses to Spencer's collar bones, letting his teeth sink into the flesh, before he slipped his middle finger inside her. Spencer whimpered in response, pressing into the touch.

"Come _on_." She said in exasperation. Derek just chuckled and began to trail kisses down to her breast as he slipped another finger inside. He was met with barely any resistance, but she was still tight, which made him moan unashamedly.

"Even after all that, you're still so tight. Perfect, gorgeous pussy, all for me, huh?" Derek said, looking up at Spencer as he lapped at her nipple. She glared at him before her eyes fluttered shut.

"I don't - uhn- belong to you, you narcissistic, complex ridden, alpha male piece of- Fuck!" Spencer cried out as Derek's fingers brushed over her prostate.

"You're right, baby. You're in charge here, aren't you?" Derek replied, stilling his fingers inside of Spencer. She groaned in response, taking it upon herself to sit up and let Derek's fingers slip out of her.

"Don't you forget that." She warned, making Derek grin as his hands began to shake in anticipation. In one fluid motion, she sunk down on Derek's cock, letting out a long, throaty moan. They both cursed at the different yet equally pleasurable sensations. Spencer used her time wisely. It wasn't just that she was eager, even though she couldn't wait to be fucked six ways from Sunday (again), but that she knew they were on a limited schedule. Fran and her daughters couldn't stay out all night, and it was getting late. So, with that, she quickly began moving, bouncing up and down steadily, albeit desperately, on Derek's cock. Derek tilted his head back momentarily and groaned, before fixing his eyes on Spencer, admiring her small, feminine figure. 

"Yeah, fuck, look at you. So perfect, my beautiful girl. Fuck, my beautiful _wife_." Derek panted, gripping Spencer's hips tightly. He thrusted lazily up into her, letting her do most of the work like she usually enjoyed to do, but she wasn't too keen on that idea.

"Not gonna break, come on." She panted, rolling her hips down and crying out when Derek hit her prostate right on. It was overwhelmingly stimulating but so, so good. "Fuck me harder, know you want to."

Derek abandoned all his self control and, holding Spencer hips hard enough to leave bruises, quickly changed their position so he was on top of her. He hiked her legs over his shoulder and Spencer gasped, looking at him wide eyed but encouragingly. God bless her flexible, willowy body. Damn, she really was beautiful. She was glowing, sheen with sweat, her hair sticking to her forehead, her lips red and swollen, purple marks from Derek's teeth down her neck and chest. Once again, Derek had a so-called "aha" moment; he looked at her and free fell headfirst in love.

"Come on, give it to me." Spencer pleaded breathlessly, digging her heels into Derek's back. Well, he didn't have to be asked twice. He hoisted Spencer's hips upwards and closer to him before he placed his hands on either side of her face, capturing her mouth in a kiss as he began to piston in and out of her. They were both so lost in pleasure that their kiss had simply turned into just panting and moaning against each other's lips. When Derek snuck his hand between their bodies to take Spencer cock in his head, she shouted out his name and wantonly pushed into the touch. And for the icing on the cake, Derek drove into Spencer's prostate once more, the angle of her hips in their position allowing him to hit it with each thrust. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she did nothing to quell the litany of moans that escaped her throat.

"Yes, yes, there! Fuck, don't stop!" Spencer was practically crying, her nails digging into Derek's back hard enough to draw blood. That only added to Derek's pleasure and he groaned, snapping his hips up once again.

"Like that? God, know you do. Made for you, baby, made for each other. Love how I feel inside you, make me feel complete. Fuck, I love you." Morgan panted into Spencer's ear, who whined and pushed herself down by digging her heels into Derek's lower back to meet his thrusts. He stared down at her in awe. She was the missing piece of the puzzle. They fit perfectly inside one another, perfectly synchronized. Although, Spencer had been right earlier - most times, she was in charge. She controlled the pace, she told Derek how she wanted him, where to touch, what to do. It had taken a little while to get her to that point. Their whole relationship was a lesson in self-discovery. Spencer found that being in control during sex eased her frustration in her everyday life. Even though times were a changin', she was still a woman, still transgender, and she would always be treated differently, always one step behind on the ladder, always running the same race as others but with a ball and chain around her ankle.

Derek knew how that was. People took one look at the color of his skin and jumped to conclusions. And when they weren't being downright racist, there were always those little insinuations, those microaggressions which were almost worse. A racist was a racist, but a blatant racist was a social leper in most cases. But they weren't always white boys from down south, or old men who grew up in the civil rights era. They were his peers, his coworkers, sometimes even his friends. They would make comments that an average white person wouldn't even blink at, but made Derek squirm in his seat and try his best not to snap. And if he did, he was immediately branded with the angry black man trope, someone who got up in arms about perceived slights. But he was also a man. He knew his experiences differed from Spencer's. She didn't experience racism, but he would never face misogyny or transphobia. They each had their own fair share of power in life, their own privileges.

And this little lesson in kyriarchy and privilege theory has everything to do with the way Spencer and Derek had sex. They each took the power and control they were deprived of in life. They never fell into traditional submissive and dominant roles. They were always equals. There was never a power struggle, a fight for dominance over the other. They complied with one another. They made perfect partners, because they fucked like they fell in love; hard, fast, desperately, recklessly, so eager and willing. Perfectly fit puzzle pieces, indeed.

Derek shared a knowing smile with Spencer for a brief second before both their faces contorted into those of pure pleasure and bliss. Spencer grabbed the back of Derek's head and forced his mouth onto hers in a searing kiss. Derek drove his hips home, pressing into Spencer's prostate with such force that was so amazingly pleasurable it almost hurt.

"Derek, please, please, it's too much, I need it, please." She whined, toes curling as her grip on the back of Derek's neck tightened.

"I got you, baby, I got you." Derek reassured, gripping Spencer's cock and quickly moving his fist up and down, not wasting any time. He wasn't going to last long at this rate, but he didn't care any longer. Spencer was close, too. He knew her tells by heart. Her eyelids always twitched and her moans increased in volume until they stopped altogether and she went eerily silent, too lost in pleasure to find her voice. She was damn near screaming and Derek had to fight the urge to just clamp his hand over her mouth because, hello, neighbors were a thing, but he couldn't. She sounded to beautiful and so open. Her shyness and insecurities about her body were things of the past, and the noises she made were indicators of just how much she trusted Derek. She laid physically bare before him with ease now, knowing it could never compare to the nerve racking, heart wrenching yet beautiful, liberating feeling of being emotionally exposed in his presence.

Spencer's orgasm came first. As promised, she was writhing and begging and shouting one moment, and the next she was dead silent, her whole body frozen in pleasure. Derek, to make matters worse (or better), was still ruthlessly driving into her, chasing his own release. She didn't seem to care, or even really notice, too delirious from the post-orgasmic bliss. She only let out small, choked moans, shuddering from the overstimulation. Derek finished mere seconds later, pressing his lips against Spencer's in an attempt to stifle his groan. He moved lazily inside of her as he came down, panting and moaning in Spencer's ear. She shivered when he pulled out, then made a face.

"Why must you come inside of me?" She complained breathlessly. Her eyes were drooping and she was exhausted, but she couldn't deal with the weird feeling of Derek's come leaking out of her. Man, fuck all those people who think that's sexy.

Derek simply found it hysterical as he flopped over onto his back next to Spencer, giggling like a little kid. Spencer shot daggers at him with her eyes, but it just looked so fucking cute when her face was all scrunched and her eyes were clouded with sleepiness. Derek couldn't stop laughing at her.

"I'm going to kick your ass." She said with a groan. Derek grinned at her in response and stood up.

"I'll run you a bath." He declared before retreating down the hall. When Spencer heard the water running, she smiled contently and took a big breath. She closed her eyes for a few moments, mindlessly twisting her ring. She nearly fell asleep but was woken when Derek entered the room and promptly cursed.

"Fuck, get up!" He demanded, running forward and grabbing her arms. She groaned and went limp, forcing Derek to lift her dead weight.

"What do you waaaant?" Spencer whined, weakly trying to fight him off.

"I want you to look at the goddamn headboard and figure out what we're going to tell my mom!" Derek replied, gesturing wildly to the wooden headboard. Oh, fuck. They broke it. They literally broke the fucking headboard. Every bad porn trope, every romcom punchline, it was all real. The damn thing was splintered right in the center, and there was a dent on the wall behind it. They were so fucked.

Just as the realization dawned on them, they heard the telltale sounds of giggling and keys jiggling in the front door. Both Spencer and Derek's eyes widened and they cursed, rushing to get dressed. Derek somehow ended up in Spencer's yoga pants in the process, and Spencer herself had Derek's shirt on - backwards.

"Give me my pants back!" Spencer hissed, pulling her arms inside the shirt to turn it around. Derek stepped out of her extra small yoga pants which were digging violently into his skin, but not before he managed to get his foot stuck and trip. When they were finally dressed, in their own clothes, they heard Desiree approach the bedroom door.

"Please don't be naked, please don't be naked, please don't be naked." Spencer heard her chanting, and she had to stifle a giggle by pressing her hand to her mouth.

"Come in!" Derek said much too enthusiastically, folding his hands behind his back. Totally inconspicuous.

The door slowly swung open as Desiree poked her head in. She had her hand over her eyes and was peeking at them through her fingers when she let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank god. So, now that you two are done trying to eagerly repopulate the world, do you wanna- what is that?" Desiree paused, gaping at the headboard.

"She did it!" Derek called, just as Spencer said, "He did it!" They both looked at each other in disbelief.

"Judas!" Spencer chastised, smacking Derek's shoulder. "Jezebel!" He jibed back immediately.

"O...kaaaay." Desiree said, slowly backing out of the door.

"You're an idiot!" Spencer said once Desiree had walked out. She picked up a pillow and smacked him with it.

"Ow, get off of me, you harpy!" Derek yelled in response, pushing Spencer gently. She glared coldly at him.

"You are so fucking lucky I smell food." Spencer said hauntingly, pointing an accusatory finger at Derek. She padded to the kitchen, with Derek close behind, and was met with the grinning faces of the Morgan women.

"Hi." Spencer said lamely, looking down at her feet as she shuffled over to the breakfast table.

"Well, hello Mrs. Morgan." Sarah said deviously. "Is the relationship now thoroughly consummated?"

Spencer blushed deeply in response and slid into a chair, staying silent as she chewed on her bottom lip.

"Sarah, you leave her alone. At least she gets hers." Fran said, earning a gasp from everyone at the table.

"Did.. Did you just make a sex joke?" Derek said, looking at his mom and then Desiree. "Did she just make a sex joke?" Desiree shrugged helplessly with a bewildered look on her face.

"You know, you will always be my babies, but you don't have to act like babies." Fran said as she rolled her eyes and dug her fork into her food. "Your father and I had sex. Lots of it. That's why we had three accidental pregnancies." She clarified. Everyone was gaping at her as she took a bite of her food and mumbled, "What?"

Spencer was giggling relentlessly to herself, sharing glances with Fran who only smiled at her before turning to Sarah.

"I mean it, little lady. Don't be jealous of the happy couple." Fran placed her hand on Spencer's while giving Sarah a stern look. Her daughter just threw up her hands in exasperation.

"Momma, I'm not jealous! I don't even like men!" Sarah began to yell before her face fell and she covered her mouth. Desiree stared wide eyed at her sister while Fran seemed unfazed.

"Oh, thank goodness. I was worried your muscles were getting atrophied, what with all that time spent in the closet." Fran said with feigned concern. Sarah and Desiree were both flabbergasted, while Derek and Spencer were just giggling maniacally.

"You two knew?!" Desiree hissed at the pair.

"You didn't?" Fran, Spencer, and Derek asked in unison. Desiree grumbled and leaned back in her chair.

"Who was that girl, Derek? Jeanette? The one who liked to sleep over a little bit too much?" Fran said as she shot a teasing glance at a mortified Sarah.

"Her name was Janae and we didn't.. Do that here." Sarah said, her cheeks heated.

"It's fine if you 'did that' here. No accidental teen pregnancy to worry about there. Pass the salt, Desi?" Fran commented nonchalantly.

"Momma!" Sarah yelled, burying her face in her hands.

"What?" Fran replied with an incredulous look. "Desiree, the salt." She said, turning to Desiree and snapping in her face. The young woman blinked rapidly a few times before sliding the salt to her mother.

"So, my sister is gay, and my brother's dating a transgender white chick. I don't know which one I'm more surprised about." Desiree said, eyes flickering between her brother and her sister. They both laughed at that, Derek pulling Spencer close to his side, who was blushing but still giggling. They fell into a comfortable silence as they all ate their dinner. When Derek and Spencer had finished, they excused themselves, but Fran stopped them.

"Oh, and Derek?" She asked with a small smirk on her face.

Derek blinked at her and cocked his head to the side. "Yeah, momma?"

"You two might want to keep the blasphemy to a minimum the next time you go at it, because Mrs. Jenkins is extremely angry with the fact that her ten year old son is wondering why his neighbors are praying so loudly." She told them with her arms crossed in mock indignation. Spencer squeaked and turn bright red, her eyes suddenly becoming best friends with the floor.

"I'll.. Be sure to drop off a fruit basket and a bible at their doorstep tomorrow." Derek joked pathetically, rubbing the back of his neck. Fran just laughed at that and patted her son's face. She turned around and busied herself with cleaning up, all while Sarah and Desiree were giggling at the couple. Derek grumbled and retreated to the bedroom, Spencer following behind but not before she stuttered out apologies profusely.

As they reached the bedroom, Derek promptly closed the door and sighed.

"Well, that was embarrassing." He said with a chuckle, breaking into a wide grin when Spencer said, "Gee, you think? God, I wanted to die." She buried her face in Derek's broad chest, shuddering.

"At least she didn't see the headboard." Derek said, staring at the aforementioned object and chewing his lip.

Spencer groaned loudly at that. "Oh, great, now we have to suffer through that conversation as well. I hate you."

"Oh, what happened to ' _Yeah, Derek, fuck me harder, don't stop_ '?" He teased pointedly, imitating Spencer's voice in a pathetic falsetto. Spencer looked at him and glared, but a small grin was tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"S'not my fault you're built like a tank." Derek rolled his eyes at that and pulled back from Spencer, patting her butt as he retreated to the bed before he froze.

"What?" Spencer asked, eyes narrowing.

"We don't have a change of sheets." He said, suddenly uncharacteristically embarrassed. Spencer let out another loud groan.

"This is exactly why Charles Goodyear invented the condom, you gross fuck." She crinkled her nose as she started to strip the bed, preparing to sleep on the bare mattress.

"Hey, it's your come, too!" Derek defended himself, crossing his arms. Spencer cursed at him.

"Lower your voice! I don't want your family to listen to us talk about my semen!" She hissed through her teeth.

"Too late!" Desiree and Sarah called from the other room. Spencer shot a glare at Derek before she tackled him to the bed and covered his face with a pillow.

"I'm going to comprehensively asphyxiate you, you dick!" She yelled, pressing down on it lightly.

"You are-" Derek choked out from behind the pillow, "what you eat." He said with a muffled, condescending laugh. Spencer sighed helplessly and flopped onto her back.

"Love you, boo." Derek said as he kissed her nose with a wide smile. He turned into his side to switch off the light before pulling Spencer against his chest.

"Goodnight, butthead." Spencer grumbled as she pressed a kiss to her husband's chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What makes lovemaking and reading resemble each other most is that within both of them times and spaces open, different from measurable time and space." Italo Calvino


	9. Between These Walls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof." Richard Bach

Tuesday morning came all too soon and Spencer and Derek were set to return home. They felt slightly guilty about the fact that they had stayed longer than what was allotted initially, mainly because they missed two days of work without notice, something that they were sure they'd get an earful about. But most importantly, they were justifiably sad to leave the comforting arms of Fran Morgan. The whole trip had been a beautifully executed train wreck, consisting of the weirdest mixture of heartbreak, elation, arousal, and crippling embarrassment - but they enjoyed every minute of it. Spencer had practically fallen in love with Fran, relishing in the little mother-daughter moments she was deprived of. Thoughts of Spencer's mother began to flood her mind, and she sighed sadly as her and Derek gave out their goodbye hugs.

"It was amazing meeting you, Spencer. You're welcome any time, you hear?" Fran said as she took Spencer's face in her hands and kissed her forehead. Spencer almost let out a sob at that, wrapping her arms tightly around the woman as she mumbled her thanks.

"We're gonna miss you more than Derek." Desiree teased with a dramatic pout. Spencer shook her head at the youngest sibling and gave her a hug as well. "The next time you come, you have to take me shopping. I need be looking as on point as you always do." Desiree gestured to Spencer's outfit, the floral babydoll dress she had intended to wear upon meeting the family for the first time. Spencer grinned widely at that and nodded in agreement.

"I second that." Sarah said as she pulled Spencer in for a hug of her own. "And, you know, if things don't work out with this one," she said as she gestured to Derek, "you call me." She gave Spencer a wink and the two both shared a loud laugh.

"Geez, let a girl come out and suddenly she's Gladys freakin Bentley." Desiree said with an eye roll. Everyone except Spencer turned to her and asked, "Who?" And, naturally, before Desiree could answer, Spencer spoke up.

"American blues singer during the Harlem renaissance. She married a white woman in the 1920's and is widely celebrated as a significant and infamous black lesbian in LGBT history." Spencer clarified. Desiree nodded her agreement enthusiastically and everyone let out a chuckle at that.

"Finally found something y'all can bond over?" Derek asked as he pulled Desiree in for a hug. Desiree rolled her eyes once again, apparently her signature move, but hugged her brother tightly nonetheless.

"Don't fuck this one up." She warned as she pointed a finger at Derek. Fran reached out and smacked her daughter's hand.

"Desiree Nicole!" She scolded sternly. Desiree mumbled her apologies and looked at the floor shyly. Spencer snorted and giggled at that, everyone else soon joining in.

"Oh, we're going to miss you." Fran said sadly, squeezing Spencer's hand. She smiled sadly and gave a small nod.

"Me too. You've made me feel more welcome than I've ever felt in my own.. You know. Thank you." Spencer replied, blushing as she avoided eye contact. She hadn't revealed to the Morgans the state of her home life as a child, but she had an inkling they understood her implications. Fran just smiled softly in understanding, everyone else giving sympathetic looks as well. Spencer seized Fran in another hug.

"Thank you, Fran." She whispered once again. Fran let her hold on for a while before she pulled back to look at her.

"You know, you can call me 'mom' now. You're my daughter in law, after all." She said kindly.

Spencer teared up at that and nodded. "I- Thank you. Mom." She said in a wavering voice. Fran stroked her arm softly before clapping her hands together.

"Alright, now get out of my house." She said jokingly, ushering her son and his wife outside into the hall. "You two have a safe flight. Call me when you land." She pointed a finger at Derek, giving him The Mom Look.

"We will. Bye, momma. I love you. You guys are okay, too." He jibed at Desiree and Sarah. The former mimicked his tone and the latter reached out to shove him.

"Alright, alright. I love you two, as well." Derek said genuinely to his two sisters, who smiled in response and said their 'I love you's'.

Derek and Spencer reluctantly waved goodbye and trudged down the building's stairs with their luggage, now airport bound. They rode in the cab in silence, and when they passed by the center, Derek looked at Spencer and smiled, taking her hand and pressing a kiss to her ring. She squeezed his hand in response and leaned her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes and sighing contently.

Their trek through the airport was rather uneventful, save for when they stopped to share a stale pretzel from a sketchy looking kiosk. When they boarded the plane, Spencer was eerily silent and tense. As they settled in and the plane began to take off, Derek turned to her and threaded his fingers between hers.

"Spill it." He said with an encouraging smile. Spencer sighed and looked down at their intertwined hands, then back up at Derek with a sad expression.

"Just thinking about my mom." She said quietly, chewing on her lip. Derek frowned and placed his free hand on her cheek.

"You know she loves you, Spencer." He reassured. Spencer nodded quickly, reaching up to wipe her eyes.

"No, I know, I just- I wish I could tell her, you know? About you. I wish you could meet her, wish we could have dinner, and pass around my baby books, and laugh about childhood stories and joke and bond and pretend she's not.." Spencer trailed off, voice catching in her throat. Derek looked at her sadly, rubbing his thumb over her cheek as he squeezed her hand.

"Maybe I could meet her." He offered with a slight smile. Spencer scoffed at that.

"She doesn't even know who I am. She thinks I'm one of her students from when she taught in the nineties. She's always telling me about her son Spencer and she doesn't even-" She took a deep breath and shook her head. "She tells me how much she misses him. How he stopped visiting her. She was doing good before. And when I came out to her she just- she couldn't understand. She entered this dissociative state and reverted back to what was familiar." Spencer began to blink back tears, looking down at her lap.

"I visited her, when I first started HRT. I didn't look like I do now, but it was a lot different. No facial hair, smaller Adam's apple, longer hair, you know. And she- God, Derek, she asked who I was. I told her it was me and she just.. Freaked out. She yelled and screamed at me and demanded to know where her son had gone. They had to sedate her. It was awful, terrifying. That's when she entered the dissociative state. She forgot all about the encounter, and the next time I visited her, I introduced myself as Laura Chase, after a character in The Blind Assassin. We talked about books and philosophy and she even let me hug her. I've just.. Kind of accepted that she'll never really know who I am. But it doesn't make it any less hard. I just wish I could share things with her." She confessed tearfully, continuing to furiously rub at her eyes. Crying on an airplane is not really something one puts on their bucket list.

"I can't imagine how hard that is." Derek murmured. "But I do know that your mother, she loves Laura Chase like she loves Spencer Reid. And I think she'd be happy to hear that Laura's gotten married, don't you think?"

Spencer looked at him before sighing and nodding slowly. "Maybe one day, we could see her?" She offered hesitantly. Derek broke out into a wide smile and nodded. His smiles were always contagious, and soon Spencer was returning the expression with ease. She gave his cheek a kiss before she sat back in her seat and closed her eyes.

_______________

When the pair finally arrived at their home in DC, they were wiped out and exhausted. Damn time zones, fucking everything up. Spencer nearly fell asleep on Derek in the car, and then again as they unpacked. Derek had to keep jostling her to get her to open her eyes.

"Fucking circadian dysrhythmia." She groaned as she unpacked the last of her clothes and promptly fell to the bed. Derek laughed, shoving his drawer shut and switching off the light before he joined her on the bed. Spencer immediately curled up into a ball at his side, seconds from falling asleep until a thought crossed her mind.

"Hey, Derek?" She questioned sleepily. Derek hummed in response and Spencer nibbled on her lip.

"I was thinking. About what you said when you gave me the ring, how we didn't have to get married in the traditional sense, but.. I think I want to. I don't want a wedding, but I'd like to do it at the courthouse? I don't know. You don't have to say yes, just.. Food for thought." She said with a soft, nervous chuckle.

"Spencer Reid, it would be my honor to make out with you in front of a marriage officiant." Derek replied, smile evident in his voice. The two both laughed softly at that, snuggling closer to one another.

"I love you." Spencer said easily.

"I love you, too." Derek held Spencer tightly, kissing her head before they both fell into a comfortable sleep. And on the bedside table, Derek's phone lit up with a text that read:

" _You're paying mom back for the headboard._ "


End file.
